"what is the world coming to?". That's bandied around - I've said it so many times over trivial crap. I keep wanting someone to explain it to me.
I've been watching the news as I said earlier. And I was just reading the BBC news website and I'm moved to tears. Death, murder, destruction. A thousand people killed by fear in Iraq - running to get away from a nonexistant suicide bomber. A woman and her two children (9 months old and 5 years old)who jumped to their deaths in front of a train in London - an apparent suicide. A baby who died in a fire with his mother tied up next to him - she watched him suffocate before being rescued. A young mother stabbed to death with her 2 year old son next to her. A drunk man who died because he let his 7 year old son drive his car at 70mph down the motorway - how will that boy ever cope with that?
Sometimes I understand why people don't want to bring a child into a world like this. On a night like this all I want to do is run into Oscar's bed room, scoop him out of his cot and hide under the bed with him until it all goes away.
Human beings frighten me sometimes. How can we do such horrendous things to eachother? Not only do we cope with natural disasters like the Tsunami or Katrina. We also face more peril from our own species.
I don't know how to express it. I'm sad and scared and frightened by my world this evening.
I keep trying to sing "Wonderful World" to myself in my head but I can't stop thinking about all this death......and so much of it involving children. Is it hitting me harder now because I am a mother? I feel everything so much stronger now I understand the bond between parent and child. I don't understand it all. How could a woman throw herself and her babies in front of a train? How could a man let his own son drive a car? How could you ever recover from watching your own baby die in front of you when you're powerless and helpless? How many children and families have died in America? In Iraq? Anywhere?
It's at times like this I almost wish I did have a faith in God to help me understand this, though I must say, I find it even harder to imagine that belief in a higher being that would allow all this to happen.
Rambling now....I'm just shocked to my core by what I'm reading and hearing today....