Thursday, December 30, 2010

Trying to be introspective and shit....

It's the time of year when I should be writing a look back at the wonder that was 2010....and making resolutions for 2011......but I can't!

I have been writing this post in my head for days - or trying to rather, and not getting very far....

2010 sucked really - there were pockets of loveliness that were wonderful - like loft conversions (although getting through the building works while on crutches wasn't wonderful), Toby starting nursery and making progress, my sister being her amazingly awesome self and spoiling me rotten periodically throughout the year, my Dad retiring and being around more....

But it was also a major year of crap. And most of it is already documented here.....

So I will draw a veil over 2010 and will probably not remember it fondly. This last week has been pretty lovely - again, mainly due to the generosity of love and giving that is my sister and sister in law. And finding time to talk to my husband honestly and properly for the first time in a long time. And seeing my boys faces lit up on Christmas.

But my resolution for 2011 is to forget 2010. I turn 40 next year which I approach with trepidation. I do feel, cliche as it is, more like being myself and not pretending to be someone I'm not, or acting in a way I think people want me to act in order to please them not myself. I'm trying to do what's right for me and being unapologetic.

Unfortunately this has led me to repeatedly listen to this song. And in a spirit of unapologeticness I'm sharing it here. I bloody love this song. It may be pure cheese. But it's my new theme song and I'm sticking to it.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Shamelessly stolen....

from the beautiful Zoe at Quite Frankly - love this idea

Five minutes
Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010.

Jane Eyre job and working with Judi Dench
Watching Oscar learn to ride a big boy bike
Toby's first day at Torridon School
My birthday at Royal China
Our first night in the loft
Candlelit bubble baths in my own ensuite
Getting very drunk on Katharine's birthday
Getting my ipod
Seeing Bright Star
Decorating the christmas tree all together
Whitstable holiday - and holding a tarantula!
Kirsti here in February and making sushi together
London Aquarium and dashing across Waterloo Bridge in the wheelchair
Writing songs with Clare and Daniel
Starting Little Bubbles Outreach
Seeing Toby maturing and expressing himself so much
The boys playing nicely together sometimes
Doing more singing with the preschoolers at parties as well as at work
Sledging down the hill yesterday
Watching Toby play madly with playdough and revelling in Octonauts
Seeing Oscar start to read for pleasure - independently

I must admit there's been more I'd like to forget this year - falling out with my best friend has hurt me more than anything, the ankle, the diabetes, the ADHD....but nice to make a list of good things to remember when I'd rather move on to 2011 as soon as possible....

Tuesday, December 07, 2010

I know my blog is affected by facebook

I tend to post there - status updates are so much quicker than blog posts....there's a new widget on there which amalgamates a selection of your statusses (stati?) and makes them here's sums up 2010 for me perfectly!

Thursday, December 02, 2010

Pulling on my big girl panties.....

I realised today (thanks to a lovely comment from Steph) that I haven't updated since the last stressy post....

Things are looking up-or rather I am trying to - we had the medication appointment for Oscar, talked through a lot of queries and worries with the doctor and are trialling medication. It hasn't kicked in so far as we're starting on the smallest dose - but I'm hoping it will be a positive move and I think it's worth trying it - we don't have to stay on it....

The diabetes - I've started Weightwatchers again and have lost at least 3.5lbs (no weigh in this week so I'm not sure if it's more than that - it was that last monday). The doc isn't hassling me. I'm not on medication (unlike the boys!) so there seems to be no immediate effect (apart from the diet but hell - I needed to lose weight anyway).

The ankle -I have some good days - some sore ones. Actually if I'm honest it's sore every evening but some days it's ok. It's still really swollen which is a bit of a worry. But the more I do my exercises the better it will get.

Toby is having better days. My mum and dad are back from Oz which makes me happy again. My sister will be here in 16 days and one of my lovely stonecutter chums is flying in on the 10th for a weekend in London and I get to see her - she's one of my sunflower girls - who had their tattoo done with me - very amazing I get to see her in the UK!

The major drama I couldn't get into isn't resolved. But I don't know if it can be - I can't be the one to initiate it this time. I'm still very very sad about it but trying to move on.

The loft is FINALLY done. And this has been the first week with NO builders or painters in the house. And Rob and I finally moved into our dream bedroom. And slowly are getting it in shape and clearing out the old. And here is a little film about our first night in...

I should be thankful for what I have. And thank you for letting me splarge out my stress and pain before. And thank you everyone who either commented on the blog or contacted me. My sister was amazing - showering me with gifts from afar. My lovely friend Joyce came down from Yorkshire and cooked me dinner and listened. My lovely friend Pearl came over and bought me so much sushi....and listened. And made me treasure my friendships - they're what keeps me sane. So to all my friends - virtual, emotional, long term, short term, people I've met in real life and those I haven't been lucky enough to (yet)....THANK YOU.

(Just reading that last para back - how my friends know the way to comfort me is with food! Joyce cooked a low calorie, low point, bloody delicious dinner and sushi isn't going to kill my weightwatchers' points - both considerate and lovely choices! )

I do feel better. Honest.