Pirates and Autumn Pie

It's been a good day. I did my friend Liz's daughter's birthday party - Liz wanted me to entertain the kids for about half an hour. With the help of my amazing husband I gave the kids the story of Captain Alice and the Leaky Tub. A little role play with silly sound effects. Alice loves pirates but I also had a couple of mermaids and one pirate cat. We all had a jolly time and I earnt £20! Hoorah!

In 2 days I'm going to be flying up to Scotland to see my bestest bud Moxie, her adorable children and her hunk of a husband. I can't wait!

And today, after the party, I was feeling a tad creative in the culinary department so I made what I have now called Autumn Pie.....

I fried 2 onions, a green pepper, a packet of turkey mince, 1 green pepper and 1 courgette (zuchini to my American readers) in a little olive oil. I added a little sprinkle of herby good with everything salt and let it fry for a while until the mince was brown (or as brown as turkey mince gets). I added a tin of Heinz Beans and a tin of Heinz Tomato soup. I also added some flour to thicken it up and let it bubble on the hob for a while and I added a splish of Lea & Perrins Worcestershire Sauce too. In the meantime I boiled some swede carrot and potato cut into chunks, then mashed it with a little milk and some butter. Once the turkey mix had thickened and the veg softened I spooned the orange mash on top and popped it in the oven.

It was VERY orange. Hence the name. I really wasn't sure how it would turn out...but Oscar LOVED it. He is currently eating his second bowlful. He asked if he could have Autumn Pie every weekend from now on. Even Rob liked it - he didn't add Tony's Creole Seasoning to it either (which he often does to my cooking). Toby refuses to try it. His loss as Oscar is eating his portion!

Oscar, as I type this, has told me he's too full to finish his second helping, but asked if he did a poo, and pooed all his food out, would there be room for some more? Love it.

Getting it off my chest

Something that's been bugging me for a while.......why the hell do grown women still act like schoolgirls and bitch about each other? It's happening all around me and it's doing my head in.

I remember at the beginning of the school term I saw an article somewhere (probably the evil Daily Mail) warning new mums at the school gates about etiquette and cliques. If I'd have read it a few years ago, I'd have disregarded it.

But it's true.

Mums do gossip. We don't have a lot else to talk about when we're full time mummies. I understand that. It's unavoidable. I do it myself but I hope not maliciously. But it can get so nasty. Ganging up on other women....commenting on their parenting or their home......making other women feel uncomfortable because they haven't got a full face of makeup on at drop off time......

There are lots of examples. I've found out today that someone I thought was a friend has been talking about me behind my back. Most of it I'd disregard but one of the things she said was that a group of friends (who I consider close friends) didn't actually like me at all. Which pressed my ex-public school hang up button.

When I was at school I didn't ever feel secure in my friendships. I was the ultimate people pleaser - desperate to make friends. This usually came from the fact that I moved schools every two years or so due to Dad's job so was often in a class with established long term friendships, sometimes mid-term, and I'd do anything to have some friends. But I never really felt like I belonged with people and always imagined they'd run off and leave me. In fact that did literally happen in one school - a gang of girls invited me into town at lunch time then ran away on the way to town (and because I was the fat kid I couldn't keep up). Nasty. Schoolgirl nasty.

And in my twenties I thought I'd dealt with all this crap. I had a friend who was walking all over me, who I was people pleasing with, who I finally said enough to. And I realised that people did actually like me - just for being me. And I didn't have to buy or cajole their friendship. And if I did, then they weren't actually good friends at all, or worth being friends with. It was a big lesson for me. And I thought I'd got it.

But all it took was one gossip and I was back in the street on the way to town again. Paranoid that this group of friends I'd made and spend a lot of time with, would really rather I fucked off and left them alone......

Argh!

Why do we do it? Why do we, as grown women, do this to other women? To women we call "friends". Or to other mums who we don't even know.....

I had a lot of this last year from one particular mum whose kid didn't get on with Oscar at school and accused Oscar of bullying her son. And screamed at me across a classroom. And was always whispering about my kid in the school yard with another mum. Who had me in tears in the Head teacher's office. And I thought that had finished now. And here I am again today. Stressed. Upset. Paranoid.

I wish I could rise above it all and ignore it. That's why I'm splarging all this out on "paper" and getting it out of my system. And reminding myself. And resolving to try and not gossip or comment on anyone. Unrealistic? Probably. But I'm going to try and think before I speak so I'm not doing to some other woman, what this woman has done to me today.

Sheesh! Rant over. Watch this and laugh instead....

Everyone is beautiful at the ballet.....

That song is running through my head at the moment (and only for the chorus of it, not the sad story verses).

Once upon a time, when I was a little girl, I loved the ballet. My sister started lessons and I was desperate to join in, even though the teacher wouldn't take anyone under 4 or 5 I think (Mum will correct me). I danced in the corner until the teacher let me join in properly at age 3.

From then on I was obsessed. I had all the ballet books, danced as often as I could and I was good. I was en pointe almost at 7 (well we were in Russia and that was normal there!). I dreamed of dancing at the Bolshoi and took classes with the junior company.

Then I got osteomyelitis in my left ankle. We were in Moscow and no one knew what it was for ages. I was eventually flown out emergency to London and was in hospital for a long time, learning how to walk again and very very ill. I was also very angry and hurting and quite obnoxious to be with (God, how I understand now how AWFUL this must have been for mum who had come with me, leaving Dad and Kirsti in Moscow - sorry Mum...).

Anyway - the doctor said one day to his colleagues "we have to get this little girl better, she's a dancer". And I said through gritted teeth "I WILL NEVER DANCE AGAIN"

And I never did.

Until tonight.

I went with my lovely friend Hannah to the London Theatre School which happens to be just round the corner. And they do adult ballet classes. And Hannah has been going for a year and loves it so I decided to try it.

It was wierd. I was so nervous. And excited. And there I was again, in a studio with a barre. And we began - there were only three others in the class, all of whom had been going for nearly a year. And we did some basic warm ups and barre work. And the teacher asked me if I was sure I hadn't danced since I was 7.....and I loved it. I absolutely loved it. I'm not flexible obviously - and I'm not fit. And my left ankle - where I had the osteo - isn't strong and mobile anymore and I can't full pointe with it.

But I remembered. My arms naturally assumed positions, and my feet followed. I felt graceful! All 17 stone of me! And I felt like I was good at it. And I almost wanted to cry.

In a way I saved myself heartache by stopping ballet at 7. I would have wanted to go all the way and even if I never got heavy, I would have been too tall and would have had my dreams dashed. I was a stubborn little kid. And I stuck to my guns. But I'm really happy that I danced tonight. And I was GOOD!! And I am so indescribably warm and fuzzy and happy inside now. And on the brink of tears.

My childhood love is re-awakened. I've still watched a lot of ballet over the years (and had Moxie and Rob SERIOUSLY take the piss out of me for it). And deep down inside I'd like to be Darcey Bussell.

But for now, I'm going to go sew elastic on my new ballet slippers. And dance every Tuesday night in a little studio in Catford. And love it all over again.

Bye bye Lingfield....hello Preschool

I just collected Toby from his private nursery, Lingfield Day Nursery, for the last time. As of Monday he's going to preschool five mornings a week.

I love Lingfield - both the boys went there for a year prior to going to preschool and it is such a fantastic nursery. I can remember looking at lots of different ones when Oscar was little and I was teaching Monkey Music. I read Ofsted reports and visited about 4 different ones. I knew the minute I walked in that Lingfield was right for us. As well as a great Ofsted, it had such a lovely atmosphere. Lisa showed me round and I really liked her, her caring manner, her knowledge of what I'd be looking for - she answered all my questions before I even asked them.

Oscar loved it there and Toby has too. I've just been reading the profile they give you when your child leaves - I've still got Oscar's and now I can keep Toby's as well. The thing that strikes me is how accurate it is - you really feel that Michelle, Toby's keyworker, knows him really well, understands him and loves him. Michelle has taught Toby "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" and how to pout. And they share a love of chocolate.....

Toby isn't the easiest of kids - I'm sure the nursery will be a lot quieter now he's gone! He's loved all his time there though, and we will both miss the Lingfield Ladies....So here is a very public and heartfelt thank you to all the Lingfield staff, past and present, Sam, Lisa, Michelle, Clare, Sarah, Zara, Emma, Steph - I know I'm forgetting people and I'm sorry...but THANK YOU!!!! My boys are the better for being in your care. As am I cos it gave me some time to myself!

If you're looking for a nursery in Grove Park you can't go wrong with this one....

Toby's first day at preschool

Just a quick blog entry to mark this event...Toby started preschool this morning. He's been to private nursery for about 6 months so I wasn't worried! But this will be every morning and it's the same one Oz went to.

There were tears....but it was Toby complaining that the door wasn't open when we got there. He couldn't wait to get in! As soon as the door opened he was off!!!

I didn't take a picture....I'm remiss....but he enjoyed himself thoroughly.

I had my first Bouncing Beats class - only 4 people came but then again they haven't started publicising it. It went really well - class structure was ok - bit short - it'll be better next week.

And on a great lovely thank you note - Scrummy Cakes ran a competition as part of National Cupcake Week to win cakes for your workplace. I won! I had to explain why I thought my workplace deserved a treat and once I explained the great work the Limelight Centre and Preschool do, I was a shoe-in! So THANK YOU to Lynda and Scrummy Cake Company who made our Monday absolutely sweet. I highly recommend their cupcakes - an indulgent and delicious treat at any time! And they also do AMAZING occasion cakes. Go check em out.

Happy National CupCake Week!