In April I started some part time work from home for another department at the University - organising a massive conference for August 2006.
I originally thought I could do it with Oscar around (how wrong I was!) but as he's got older and bolder, I can't do it. So I've been working in nap times, evenings and weekends but I know I'm not doing a great job. And my boss has no concept of how hard it is and is giving me deadlines with 2 days notice and asking me to do stuff that I think is above and beyond my job description.
I had a nursery place - Oz was due to start tomorrow - but they insist on a minimum of 2 days a week and even with the amount of work I have to do, I can't earn enough to cover that - I could do one day a week but no where will take him for a single day.
I've been getting more and more upset and worried and couldn't see a way out....it's wierd - since becoming a mother I'm getting really bad at doing what is right for ME as a person. It's like I keep thinking that not only Oscar's needs are more important but that everyone's are. I've been really bad at making decisions of any kind - I find myself agreeing to things I don't really want to do just to please others... I've always been indecisive but it's got worse this year....
So after a long and brilliant chat with Rob and my mother, I've decided the best thing for everyone - but most of all me - is to quit. Now if I can just earn £25 a week I can keep my cleaner.....I'm going to sell my soul on Ebay!