I blame Dr Who. I was watching an episode on BBC3 from the last series - the one set in the Blitz - with the little boy asking everyone "Are you my mummy?". It was very creepy and scary but also very touching and emotional. Then I came upstairs and held a sleeping Oscar's hand for ten minutes while looking at him and feeling as if my heart would burst at any minute because I love him so much, it's so big, the feeling I have for him, that I can't imagine it can be contained in my body.
A friend lost her baby today too - she was 6 weeks pregnant. She contacted me this morning because she was spotting - I had spotting in early pregnancy and I know all too well how terrifying it is. Unfortunately when she had a scan they couldn't find any trace of the baby. I didn't know how to comfort her - she's in Scotland - I wish she was nearer.
Another friend had a baby girl this week. Isadora. Isn't that a beautiful name.
Such a rollercoaster of emotions......
That's what being a mother does to you I think - I'm sure I've said this before. It's like I grew a new gland - a compassion gland. I used to think I was compassionate but becoming a parent gives you a new perspective. You can't bear to imagine a child suffering. You're so much more in touch with fear - you see children on the news or even on fictional TV shows and you ache for them.
Like the post recently when I was so upset by the mother who killed herself with her babies. And that story about the mother who was tied up and had to watch her baby die (though actually they've now charged her with murder so I don't think the original story was true - which is even more chilling).
I never ever imagined how much more I could feel. I thought I was an emotional person before. I've always worn my heart on my sleeve - I'm impulsive with feelings - I blart them out all over the place. Often without thinking. That's increased tenfold since giving birth.
Heh. Do you pity my husband now?
I don't know if this makes sense. I'm just splarging it out now. I'm going to bed!