Friday, March 30, 2007


She's just taken Oscar off me for the whole afternoon - dropped him off straight from nursery and will pick him up at 6. I'm so lucky. THANKS MUM!

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Swings and roundabouts

Yesterday was such a fab day. I was so chuffed with myself after the audition. I also went out last night with some mummy friends to my favourite Japanese restaurant and had a lovely dinner with lovely company. All was well with my little world.


Another story. Oz wasn't allowed to go to nursery - Rob rang me from there as he dropped him off to say that because he'd been sick yesterday afternoon, he wasn't allowed to stay. I'd only just got up - hadn't got a cup of tea or anything - and had to load Toby into the car and go and pick him up.

We went to a soft play place and he was a total shit. Clingy. Hitting me. Hitting Toby. Trying to pull the buggy down on top of all of us when I was breastfeeding. Refused to go and play. Generally winding me up. And I'd had a late night (due to lovely meal) and mentally wasn't planning on having Oscar this morning - was planning a snoozy chilled morning with Tobes.

He continued in a demon vein for the rest of the day. I'm exhausted and fed up. Can't even be bothered to tell you what he was like - he was just horrible.

Bugger eh? What a difference a day makes...

LUCKILY he hasn't puked today - though he hasn't eaten much - so he's going to nursery tomorrow morning.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

It went very well

Thank you for all the vibes - they obviously worked cos it went stormingly. I didn't take the boys with me which was the original plan - Mum would come with me and mind them while I auditioned and it would be an adventure for Oz....nope - insane idea. Instead Mum looked after them at home while Rob left work a bit early to be there. Thank God we did that cos Oz spent the afternoon puking - no idea why - he seems fine now - just puked a lot. Can you imagine that on public transport in Central London rush hour?

I got there early - it was wierd to be up in London again - haven't been up there in months - and it's the first time I'd left Toby when he was awake...I fed him like mad before I left so I knew he'd be ok.

Went in early - they were happy I was early so they could finish early - had a really good gossip about stuff with the director and casting director - just chatting really. Then started talking about the programme - I'm a huge fan and the director appreciated that.

Read the scene with the casting director reading in. The director gave me direction and we did it again and director was so pleased with what I did she said she knew exactly what I was thinking. Read another scene and I made an observation and she said "exactly". And then she told me I nailed it.

So I couldn't have done it better. This doesn't mean at all that I've got the part - I don't know how many others they saw, or what they're looking for.

And I'm sorry not to be specific about what the project is - it's kind of hush hush - they don't want the storyline leaked so I can't be anything but vague. It's a children's TV show but will probably be on prime time Saturday early evening. And it would be SO cool if I got it - Rob would be over the moon. That's all the clues I'll give and please don't guess in the comments in case anyone googles. If you want to email me I might tell you - or MSN me. I've got copies of the first two episodes now and could sell them online for a fortune! Or to a newspaper! But I won't.

I have NO idea when I'll hear - never do with these things. If I haven't heard a peep in the next two weeks I'll assume it's a no. But whatever happens - I didn't feel like a mummy this afternoon, I felt like an actor (albeit one with engorged boobs) and I know I did a really good audition - and considering I haven't auditioned for over a year, it's nice to know I've still got it!

Thanks again for the good luck vibes - they worked!

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Cross your fingers, toes, legs....

I've got an audition tomorrow afternoon. For the BBC - for a job that would be 2 episodes in a new show that would be amazing....don't want to say too much as I might jinx it. Just send me all the luck you can muster at 5.30pm tomorrow.

I'll let you know...

Monday, March 26, 2007

The times they are a changing....

Our friend Bob came over on Friday from America. I've known him for such a long time and we've been over to stay with him in Chicago and he used to come over almost every year until about 6 years ago. Every New Year we'd hire a cottage in the Lake District - there were Rob and I - Mike and Maz - Carey and Mike - and then Bob and sometimes Steve who'd leave his wife in London and Rich who was a perennial biker bachelor. We'd get drunk, have fun - it was the best New Years I ever spent - we did it about 3 years in a row.

On Friday night we went round to Mike and Maz's for a "reunion" of sorts. But it was so different. There were Rob and I - plus Oscar and Toby. I hadn't seen Mike and Carey since I was pregnant with Oscar but they were there - plus their 18 month old daughter Ivy (who's adorable). Rich was there - with his girlfriend May who is also adorable - they're about to move in together. And Mike and Maz of course - plus their 4 year old Kristina. The only one who hasn't changed his life is Steve! (though he's looking a bit older now...)

It was wierd looking round the room. And talking. How different we all are now. Instead of getting giggly and drunk Carey and I discussed Cbeebie's new schedule for about 20 minutes. Toby was passed around and admired. It was so lovely to see Bob.

Bob has 2 children. Well I say children. They are now both in college. His eldest, Charlie, is over here "studying" at the American College in London for 5 months. He's having a blast! When I first met him he was a scrawny teenager. Now he's a man!!!

Where has the time gone?

Ok - last thing - here's another montage of our out for Rob's impression of Jack Nicholson in The Shining - biting Oscar's shoulder!

Friday, March 23, 2007

A funny...

I nicked this from Clare - my new netmum chum who has a fab blog - go check it out.

You Will Be a Cool Parent

You seem to naturally know a lot about parenting, and you know what kids need.
You can tell when it's time to let kids off the hook, and when it's time to lay down the law.
While your parenting is modern and hip, it's not over the top.
You know that there's nothing cool about a parent who acts like a teenager... or a drill sergeant!

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Thank you

for all the comments on my previous post/rant. It meant a lot to feel like I'm not insane - and especially since most of the comments are from mums of two or more (Clare I don't know how you do it - you either Kel - more than 2? bonkers!)

It's ironic isn't it. Everyone said it's easier second time around but I'm making it harder for myself. I've tried to ease up today - fed him when he wanted feeding, let him sleep when he wanted (not that he wanted to sleep much). He's still being a real limpet - I have him in the sling most of the day as he seems to settle when he's next to me. Though there were periods when he was happy on his changemat.

I think I'm just really tired and getting neurotic a bit. So thank you for the reassurance. I'm sure I'll get my head round it soon and stop worrying.


It's hard isn't it!

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

My own worst enemy

I have this dilemma. Been wondering whether to post about it but it's doing my head in. It's about Toby and his "routine" or lack of one. I have this insane feeling that I should be doing better at this - that I'm not parenting him properly. It's wierd. I often have this feeling -it's why I've never really done anything outrageous or illegal - like I'm being watched or have this internal policeman telling me to do things right and properly. I've always had it but never really talked about it before.

Oh I don't know how to explain it. Like my mother lives in my head - but my mother isn't critical or anything. Or like I'm back at school and terrified of getting into trouble - I was never in trouble at school....I am such a's so hard to put into words this dread of being wrong or bad at something. Which makes me sound like a perfectionist and I don't think I am....It's like I don't have any confidence in my own decisions. I know I come across as all confident and everything and it's actually hard to admit that I'm feeling like this -even to myself - but I'm doing my own head in!

I've been making roads to try and get Toby in a routine. But I can't always stick to it - some days he cries so much that a feed is the only thing that calms him, even if I fed him 90 minutes ago. I almost expect someone to jump out from behind the sofa and shout at me to stop it if I do feed him. Sometimes I can't remember how long ago I fed him and then I worry I'm feeding him too much. He's a big boy and though I keep telling myself you can't overfeed a breastfed baby, I don't believe myself.

At night I am endeavouring to make sure I leave 3 hours between feeds - he sleeps usually from 7.45 till between 12 and 1, then wakes up around 3ish, but then he'll often wake every hour until 7 after that. I rock him, give him the dummy, wind him, swing him, do every bloody thing I can think of, but then I worry his cries will wake Oscar so I end up feeding him. And feeling guilty.

I usually take him into my bed around 6.30 and feed him until he falls asleep. And then I can too. But again, the little militia in my head says "shouldn't sleep with baby".

I'm quite a laid back mum. I always thought I trusted my instincts. But I keep feeling like I'm doing it all wrong and that I'll be in trouble....God knows what kind of trouble - it's like feeling like a naughty schoolkid.....

I don't know why I'm doing this to myself.....I can't remember when I tried to get Oscar into a pattern - it didn't matter as much with only one child. But now it would make my life easier if they were both on a similar pattern - if Toby slept at lunchtime etc. Or if I could predict his daytime routine - ie when he'd be asleep. I've tried keeping him awake when he sleeps -especially near bedtime - but how do you keep a baby awake?

It doesn't help that the only other mum I've talked to about this is a Gina Ford devotee and had her second child on a routine by 6 weeks.

I want to just relax about it and let Toby find his own routine. But I have this dread in my stomach that I'm messing it all up......

Does any of this make sense?

Monday, March 19, 2007

150 Things

I've seen this on a few blogs and always meant to do it....I've had such a shitty day (just Oscar being a nightmare...), I feel like blogging about something completely different. The idea is the list is static - you bold the ones you've done...

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said “I love you” and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game (and survived the crush afterwards)
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby’s diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an “expert”
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Kissed on the first date
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in Rocky Horror
96. Raised children
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Touched a stingray
110. Broken someone’s heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Touched a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey
135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone’s life

I love this. Going through it, it brought back some wonderful memories, made me long to do some numbers, vow never to do others, and intend to do a lot more....

Sunday, March 18, 2007

A silly thing...

You Are Marcia Brady

Confident yet kind. Popular yet down to earth. You're a total dream girl.
You've got the total package - no wonder everyone's a little jealous of you.

Happy Mother's Day!

I'm having such a lovely day. Oscar gave me tulips which he chose himself, plus cards which he also picked out. He said "thank you for being my Mummy", told me he loved me and kissed me.

I cried.

This lunchtime, while he's been asleep, I made honour of the newest reason I'm a mother.

So happy Mother's Day to all out there. Hope you're being spoilt. And if you aren't one yourself, go hug your Mum, or ring her!

Saturday, March 17, 2007

This made me laugh

so much... Poppy's daughter Clara Jane introduced it to our lives...

Friday, March 09, 2007

My feet hurt!

Had a great time at the Babyshow today. Unfortunately my friend couldn't come with me so I decided to go solo. I also stupidly decided to drive - it was quicker to drive than get there on public transport -and easier I thought. Until it came time to leave - it was £15 for three hours parking!!! Rip-off! Never again. Should have taken my time.

I got there nice and early so had a good look round before it got busy - left at lunchtime when it was manic. It wasn't as big as the show at Olympia and I'm glad I had a free ticket. Went to all the freebie places but I did end up spending money - I knew I would! I bought a home casting set to do Toby's hands and feet - we did Oscar's so I have to. And I bought a Coocoose.

What's that? I hear you cry. It's brilliant. Look - it's an apron/towel thing that you wear to lift baby straight out of the bath onto your chest and wrap him. Since I have to bathe Toby and I'm not so good as Rob - and I can't carry the baby bath with water in it so I bath him in the bathroom instead of in front of the fire - I found he gets really cold lifting him out and faffing with towels. This is ideal! Invented by mums.

Ok - Toby is yowling. I'll post more later if I can!

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Happy Birthday Ursula!

Gotta love the woman - she had arranged to come see us today and hadn't told me it was her birthday. She turns up with flowers, a birthday cake in the shape of a caterpillar and presents for the boys! She is truly one of the loveliest people I know.

We had a fab time gossiping the morning away and eating cake. Picked Oz up from nursery and he thought it was his birthday - Ursi even let him blow the candle out on her cake. Then this afternoon Mum took him to the park while I sat at her house and read OK magazine.

Not a bad day really! Thank you Ursula!

Baby show tomorrow - hoorah! MUST NOT, repeat MUST NOT spend any money.....

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

I'm a sucker

...for adverts. Apologies to my american readers...but there's an ad on at the moment for Harpic - a new mum opens her door to find a lot of wellwishers on her doorstep - one asks to use the loo and she panics. "What does your loo say about you" is the tag. It's flogging some extra strong scented rim block thing...which I have obviously bought. Not that I've got visitors coming. But you never know...and I'm paranoid that my house stinks of baby poo and sick. Cos I think I do.

I keep meaning to clean...honest! But the house is like a bombsite. I'm lucky if I manage a shower. I'm about to do another insanely early night - ie in bed and asleep by 9 - cos Tobes had his jabs today. He was a brave little soldier but might react badly - no idea what kind of night I've got ahead of me so I'm turning in. I'm going to have a bath first - so I'll be going to bed with wet hair (god knows where my hairdryer is). Bad hair day again tomorrow for's so inconsequential at the moment! Need to get my hair cut though. I bought some hairbands from Claire's today so I can at least scrape it back when it's gone psycho.

I'm rambling. I'm tired......more later and some pics soon I promise....

Saturday, March 03, 2007


Thanks to the lovely folk at Huggies, I have won free tickets to the Baby Show next weekend. I was planning on going anyway so this has saved me a tenner! I'm going on Friday - anyone else coming along? Jemma?

Friday, March 02, 2007

I love sock monkeys

, originally uploaded by Poppymom.

My friend Poppymom has posted this photo and inspired by her, I've sent my sis to buy me a set too! Just thought I'd Poppy says - I'm 35 and I'm going to be sleeping on sockmonkey sheets - hoorah for my immaturity!