Ok some people still read my blog here -and I'm grateful for sympathy received and phone calls too! I've calmed down a bit now and I'm not so premenstrual either!!!
School is (hopefully) dealing with it - the Head has spoken to me and been lovely - have yet to hear from Oscar's teacher but that's probably because she daren't talk to me on the doorstep again!
So now what.....
On a positive note my lovely Sis will be here on the 12th Feb and at the moment that's the big carrot dangling in front of my face! Can't wait to see her....and to have another pair of hands with the boys over half term.....
My arthritic ankle isn't too bad this week which is good....
Searching for the positives....
Rob is stressed to hell at work which sucks cos he withdraws into his man cave and I barely see him....which sucks....but on a positive we're off for a night away while Kirsti is here so that is something to look forward to - a night in a hotel with no computers or tv - just each other.
Erm.....Toby and Oscar have started swimming lessons - Oz got promoted from Level 1 to Level 2 on his first class - Toby will have to stay in preschool lessons till he's 5 so he can't get promoted - but as the youngest in his group, he's holding his own (when he isn't completely ignoring the teacher and splashing around). Both of them love the water - just need to hone their technique! Oz is like I was when I was a kid - swims underwater with ease but has problems keeping afloat!
I'm trying to find a cheap holiday for us this summer and not getting very far - so anyone who is reading this and can recommend something - I don't mind venturing abroad this year - please point me in the right direction - I've looked at too many websites and find it all completely confusing.....
Ok - Toby is asleep (miracle of miracles) so i'm going to sit with a cup of tea.....
As the lovely Tracy reminded me in the height of my school stress "you're fine. I'm fine, Oscar's fine. It's all fine". Wise wise woman.....
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
warning....rant ahead.....
I don't know where else to write this....my first post of 2010 and all and I'm so angry and frustrated so I have to pour it out somewhere....hello cyberspace.....I've also finally managed to STOP facebook automatically importing my notes into it for general consumption - I'm writing this more to get it out of my head and I know not that many people read me here....
In November, at a parents evening, Oscar's teacher blithely mentioned that the school special needs teacher wanted me to get Oscar referred for testing. She wouldn't say what. Refused point blank to be drawn on what it was the school was thinking. I know Oz is no angel but up to this point I put it down to the fact he's a boy, he's the youngest in the year and he's quite energetic.
We went home and started looking things up online - I was thinking dyspraxia - a quick hunt through symptoms disregarded that. We looked at Aspergers - some things fit but a lot didnt - then we found a list of ADHD symptoms. He ticked almost every box.
It was a total headfuck if I'm honest. I didn't take it well. It took me a while to get my head around it all as I didn't want to think of my boy as "special". And I didn't really talk about it online much. But I came to terms with it and it was all fine.
We duly went to our GP and asked for a referral. I've heard NOTHING since. The school has implemented a couple of things with Oz - giving him some fine motor skill support and giving him an extra session with a learning co-ordinator and some other kids on social skills - Oz doesn't make friends easily because his behaviour is so ANNOYING to other children - he has no impulse control and is really bad at understanding personal space. I've also seen him with a small ball when he's sat on the carpet at home time - he calls it a fiddlebot and its to stop him bothering other kids - he used to touch them or poke them or just fidget in their space so this is to help him stop that.
His reading is great, his numeracy is great but his writing isn't fab - like a lot of boys his age.
I thought he was improving. But no - again today his teacher asked for a word. Now it's going home time - there's a stream of kids coming out of the classroom, I have Toby with me on reins going a bit nuts, I have Oz running round geeing his brother up - I can hardly concentrate. And she goes on to say "just to catch up" that his behaviour hasn't improved at all, that he can't follow instruction, that he doesn't participate fully, that he's still doing lots of innapropriate things and on and on. Of course I'm only half listening as I've got both boys behaving appallingly and I'm supposed to listen to her AND supervise my kids?
I'm so angry now about it. Both times this teacher has mentioned this have been totally inappropriate. A ten minute parents evening. On the doorstep of the class at pick up time. I mean what the hell does she want me to say? Or do? I'm totally lost as to what I'm supposed to do now. I've chased the referral. I've sent three emails asking for some guidance as to paying for a private testing diagnosis - can't find anything and have had no response.
At home he isn't that bad! He dithers a lot, takes forever to put his shoes on, but he doesn't drool inappropriately (which is a biggy at school supposedly) or invade anyone else's space (apart from Toby's but then Toby reciprocates - they're brothers and they wrestle!).
I just feel like she tells me all this shit and expects me to take Oz home, somehow fix him and then return a perfect child to school. I'm at the point of tears in frustration at all this.
I've just written a two page letter to her, expressing my frustration (without the swearing) and asking her to, in future, contact me or arrange a meeting when I don't have either a ten minute time limit or two children to supervise at the same time. I've also asked her what her expectations are.
But I'm just so frustrated and I feel like a totally inadequate parent.
On the other hand - Toby - I also feel like a crap parent because he isn't potty trained. I'm getting increased pressure from his preschool (understandably I suppose) who today decided on their own initiative to put him in pants. He promptly did an enormous poo. So I have a shitty pair of trousers to deal with - they threw the pants away. He's not ready. He has no bowel control. He does pee if you sit him on the toilet but he has never asked to go to the toilet and has no concept of wet and dry. He doesn't like potties or toilets and he says he wants to wear a nappy. But preschool are shoving him forward and do I have a choice? Or do I just get the washing.
I just feel helpless, powerless and absolutely shit. And I don't know what to do. Even typing this seems pretty pointless. Oh fuck it.
In November, at a parents evening, Oscar's teacher blithely mentioned that the school special needs teacher wanted me to get Oscar referred for testing. She wouldn't say what. Refused point blank to be drawn on what it was the school was thinking. I know Oz is no angel but up to this point I put it down to the fact he's a boy, he's the youngest in the year and he's quite energetic.
We went home and started looking things up online - I was thinking dyspraxia - a quick hunt through symptoms disregarded that. We looked at Aspergers - some things fit but a lot didnt - then we found a list of ADHD symptoms. He ticked almost every box.
It was a total headfuck if I'm honest. I didn't take it well. It took me a while to get my head around it all as I didn't want to think of my boy as "special". And I didn't really talk about it online much. But I came to terms with it and it was all fine.
We duly went to our GP and asked for a referral. I've heard NOTHING since. The school has implemented a couple of things with Oz - giving him some fine motor skill support and giving him an extra session with a learning co-ordinator and some other kids on social skills - Oz doesn't make friends easily because his behaviour is so ANNOYING to other children - he has no impulse control and is really bad at understanding personal space. I've also seen him with a small ball when he's sat on the carpet at home time - he calls it a fiddlebot and its to stop him bothering other kids - he used to touch them or poke them or just fidget in their space so this is to help him stop that.
His reading is great, his numeracy is great but his writing isn't fab - like a lot of boys his age.
I thought he was improving. But no - again today his teacher asked for a word. Now it's going home time - there's a stream of kids coming out of the classroom, I have Toby with me on reins going a bit nuts, I have Oz running round geeing his brother up - I can hardly concentrate. And she goes on to say "just to catch up" that his behaviour hasn't improved at all, that he can't follow instruction, that he doesn't participate fully, that he's still doing lots of innapropriate things and on and on. Of course I'm only half listening as I've got both boys behaving appallingly and I'm supposed to listen to her AND supervise my kids?
I'm so angry now about it. Both times this teacher has mentioned this have been totally inappropriate. A ten minute parents evening. On the doorstep of the class at pick up time. I mean what the hell does she want me to say? Or do? I'm totally lost as to what I'm supposed to do now. I've chased the referral. I've sent three emails asking for some guidance as to paying for a private testing diagnosis - can't find anything and have had no response.
At home he isn't that bad! He dithers a lot, takes forever to put his shoes on, but he doesn't drool inappropriately (which is a biggy at school supposedly) or invade anyone else's space (apart from Toby's but then Toby reciprocates - they're brothers and they wrestle!).
I just feel like she tells me all this shit and expects me to take Oz home, somehow fix him and then return a perfect child to school. I'm at the point of tears in frustration at all this.
I've just written a two page letter to her, expressing my frustration (without the swearing) and asking her to, in future, contact me or arrange a meeting when I don't have either a ten minute time limit or two children to supervise at the same time. I've also asked her what her expectations are.
But I'm just so frustrated and I feel like a totally inadequate parent.
On the other hand - Toby - I also feel like a crap parent because he isn't potty trained. I'm getting increased pressure from his preschool (understandably I suppose) who today decided on their own initiative to put him in pants. He promptly did an enormous poo. So I have a shitty pair of trousers to deal with - they threw the pants away. He's not ready. He has no bowel control. He does pee if you sit him on the toilet but he has never asked to go to the toilet and has no concept of wet and dry. He doesn't like potties or toilets and he says he wants to wear a nappy. But preschool are shoving him forward and do I have a choice? Or do I just get the washing.
I just feel helpless, powerless and absolutely shit. And I don't know what to do. Even typing this seems pretty pointless. Oh fuck it.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Last day of a decade.....
Our phone and internet has been off for 36 hours or so - really made me aware how much TIME I spend online or on the phone....and even so, how little I've updated this blog this year! I've been composing this in my head for a day or so and am now trying desperately to remember what I wanted to say as we move into 2010....
Two television programmes have made a big impact on my brain this week - first one was lighthearted - Electric Dreams on BBC4 - a family was taken back to the 70's, 80's and 90's - they decorated their house, moved them forward a year every day and gave them the technology of the year -from a teasmade to a sinclair C5 to the first mobile phone.....it made me SO nostalgic and so bloody aware of how far, in my lifetime, we've come. I'm sitting in a house with a flatscreen tv, 2 game consoles, 2 PCs and a laptop, wireless internet, mobile phones and an ipod and I take it all totally for granted. At Oscar's age I had playschool on once a day and that was about it. I can remember our Betamax video system. I can remember getting a computer game - Toshiba I think - and playing pong. I remember my ZX81......
It was fab - great programme- it's on iplayer so watch it if you have time.....And suddenly being without my online access made me appreciate it so much - couldn't do what that family did!
It's made me wonder how much will change in this decade. At the end of 2019 I will be 48... the boys will be 15 and 13....teenagers....this last decade seems to have flown - I wonder if the next one will be even faster. And what will have changed....
And so on to the next programme - Channel 4 showed a documentary last night - Tsunami, caught on camera....following holiday makers who had filmed their experiences - footage not seen before. And personal stories which you became so involved in, and it was heartbreaking. I remember the Tsunami - had some friends who were caught in it in the Maldives and who had a horrific time. But I hadn't really grasped the whole picture. And that documentary made me weep for the families who were literally ripped apart from eachother. To see how initially it was eerie and fascinating to see a tide disappear...only for the realisation to hit and the devastation to unfold. Children dying. Parents having to save a child, only to lose the others as they couldn't hold on to three of them.....the huge force of such a natural disaster - how powerful and deadly nature can be.
Heartbreaking. I immediately went upstairs to be with my boys. I even woke Oscar up stroking his head.....sometimes, especially the last few days, I get so exasperated with them - they've been behaving really badly over the Christmas period - a combination of being indoors a lot, being over excited and just generally boisterous. It's made me lose my temper a lot. And Rob has too. They haven't been exactly much fun to be with...there have been moments of loveliness but that's all it's been - momentary.
Then you start to imagine yourself losing them.....and you feel so bloody guilty for not counting your blessings. Your perspective pulls back and you suddenly think of people who have lost children, people who can't have children, people with children who are sick or poor or....you could keep going for ages and I know it's unrealistic to imagine you can live your life constantly unselfishly......
A young couple who were on their honeymoon were talking about how they now try to live better lives, more worthwhile lives, on behalf of the nearly quarter of a million people whose lives were taken....and I admire them for it.
Maybe my resolution this New Year is to try and concentrate on the good - try and be more patient. Try and understand that despite the frustrations, headaches, broken nights and bodily fluids, I am so blessed to have my boys, my husband, my home, my family, my (erratic) health, food to eat, technology to be amazed by, friends, a job.....all of it.
Saying that of course, I have no plans for tonight! Without a babysitter we're kind of stuck at home. We could go to a friends house but I'd have to drive and the boys would be a pain....so I'll gratefully put them to bed early and then stay at home with hubby.
However you celebrate your New Year I hope you have a blast. I look forward to next year...first milestone is Toby's third birthday on the 8th.....
Two television programmes have made a big impact on my brain this week - first one was lighthearted - Electric Dreams on BBC4 - a family was taken back to the 70's, 80's and 90's - they decorated their house, moved them forward a year every day and gave them the technology of the year -from a teasmade to a sinclair C5 to the first mobile phone.....it made me SO nostalgic and so bloody aware of how far, in my lifetime, we've come. I'm sitting in a house with a flatscreen tv, 2 game consoles, 2 PCs and a laptop, wireless internet, mobile phones and an ipod and I take it all totally for granted. At Oscar's age I had playschool on once a day and that was about it. I can remember our Betamax video system. I can remember getting a computer game - Toshiba I think - and playing pong. I remember my ZX81......
It was fab - great programme- it's on iplayer so watch it if you have time.....And suddenly being without my online access made me appreciate it so much - couldn't do what that family did!
It's made me wonder how much will change in this decade. At the end of 2019 I will be 48... the boys will be 15 and 13....teenagers....this last decade seems to have flown - I wonder if the next one will be even faster. And what will have changed....
And so on to the next programme - Channel 4 showed a documentary last night - Tsunami, caught on camera....following holiday makers who had filmed their experiences - footage not seen before. And personal stories which you became so involved in, and it was heartbreaking. I remember the Tsunami - had some friends who were caught in it in the Maldives and who had a horrific time. But I hadn't really grasped the whole picture. And that documentary made me weep for the families who were literally ripped apart from eachother. To see how initially it was eerie and fascinating to see a tide disappear...only for the realisation to hit and the devastation to unfold. Children dying. Parents having to save a child, only to lose the others as they couldn't hold on to three of them.....the huge force of such a natural disaster - how powerful and deadly nature can be.
Heartbreaking. I immediately went upstairs to be with my boys. I even woke Oscar up stroking his head.....sometimes, especially the last few days, I get so exasperated with them - they've been behaving really badly over the Christmas period - a combination of being indoors a lot, being over excited and just generally boisterous. It's made me lose my temper a lot. And Rob has too. They haven't been exactly much fun to be with...there have been moments of loveliness but that's all it's been - momentary.
Then you start to imagine yourself losing them.....and you feel so bloody guilty for not counting your blessings. Your perspective pulls back and you suddenly think of people who have lost children, people who can't have children, people with children who are sick or poor or....you could keep going for ages and I know it's unrealistic to imagine you can live your life constantly unselfishly......
A young couple who were on their honeymoon were talking about how they now try to live better lives, more worthwhile lives, on behalf of the nearly quarter of a million people whose lives were taken....and I admire them for it.
Maybe my resolution this New Year is to try and concentrate on the good - try and be more patient. Try and understand that despite the frustrations, headaches, broken nights and bodily fluids, I am so blessed to have my boys, my husband, my home, my family, my (erratic) health, food to eat, technology to be amazed by, friends, a job.....all of it.
Saying that of course, I have no plans for tonight! Without a babysitter we're kind of stuck at home. We could go to a friends house but I'd have to drive and the boys would be a pain....so I'll gratefully put them to bed early and then stay at home with hubby.
However you celebrate your New Year I hope you have a blast. I look forward to next year...first milestone is Toby's third birthday on the 8th.....
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Some waffling..and more cosmic ordering
I want to waffle...I haven't blogged for a while...so here I am...lots of minutiae to share (have I spelled that right?) and nothing major.....
I'm doing Christmas theme in teaching this week. And giving out chocolates after class so I'm very popular. And I also got given chocolates - twice! Which made me feel very loved and special! My first proper "teacher" presents.....totally bad for the diet but hey - it's Christmas!
Someone stole the Comic Relief Red Nose off my car today. Now I know - Comic Relief was ages ago - and I'm quite amazed no one has stolen it before- but I miss it. And so does Oscar.
Toby is Mr Contrary Pants today. Everything I say is the opposite. "I don' wanna" is the continuous whine. I told him to put his coat on "don wanna put coat on" so I said he'd get cold "don wanna get cold" SO PUT THE FRICKIN COAT ON!!! ARGHHHHHHH
And breathe.
I got loads of Christmas cards in the post today which makes me feel immensely guilty as I haven't sent any for about 2 years. I assumed that would take me OFF people's lists but no - they are still much nicer people than I am and continue to send festive cheer through the Royal Mail.....and I'm ever so grateful. Will try harder next year I promise.....
I got a new sofa today. A while ago Rob was taking the piss out of the Cosmic Ordering System - a la Noel Edmonds. Regular readers may remember I experimented with the Ordering system a while ago and asked for a healthy baby and a new car. I got both. And the new car was so not on the cards at the time I asked for it. It's consistently the post that gets googled the most on my blog!
And so I told Rob I'd try again and I wanted a new sofa. I have wanted one for ages - a leather one - but there's no point buying one as the boys will only wreck it..but I still watch those DFS adverts and wish....
And last night, on Facebook, a Netmum who I met for the first time on Saturday (and got on with immediately) was asking if anyone wanted a black leather sofa in excellent condition. I got on the phone, found a man and van round the corner who could pick it up for £50. They did so - we couldn't get it in the house but after they removed the banisters we got my lovely new sofa in! In the meantime I put my old sofa on Freecycle and half an hour after the new one was in, the old one was gone.
My lovely new black leather sofa!
Love it. All fell into place (although the banister is now even more rickety than it was but it needed replacing anyway....) with remarkable ease....and the universe answered my request again...
I almost don't want to push it by asking for anything else! I also don't really NEED anything else.....but try it - really do - even if you feel silly! In my original request I made up a poem. For the sofa I just asked out loud in my kitchen. I did say please. Maybe that helped...Let me know if it works for you!!!
What else....I had loads of things in my head when I started.....
Erm.....
I am very grateful to Starbucks UK for not scrimping on Eggnog this year - last year you couldn't get a Nog Latte for love nor money - this year you can and I have been indulging a bit...my weight has stayed the same for the last two weeks (sort of....I put on a pound and a half then took it off a week later) and I'm not going to WW this week as I'm singing at Toby's preschool party......and I have been given choccies twice! Ah well....it's Christmas.
Rob has the week off next week and we've got lots of festive fun planned. On Monday Oz and I are going to my friend Pearl's christmas do at her office (we're pretending Oz is her Godson so he can get in!) and I hope to grab some sushi while in town....Tuesday I'm hoping to see my dear dear chum Red who lives in Dubai - we must have been related in a previous life as I am so attached to her it must be sisterhood. Wednesday we are going to Selfridges to see Santa and the Christmas lights and Thursday we're off to the panto at Greenwich. Then it's Christmas! Lovely!
How many times have I said Christmas in this post....I'll stop waffling now - go order something cosmically and tell me how you get on!
I'm doing Christmas theme in teaching this week. And giving out chocolates after class so I'm very popular. And I also got given chocolates - twice! Which made me feel very loved and special! My first proper "teacher" presents.....totally bad for the diet but hey - it's Christmas!
Someone stole the Comic Relief Red Nose off my car today. Now I know - Comic Relief was ages ago - and I'm quite amazed no one has stolen it before- but I miss it. And so does Oscar.
Toby is Mr Contrary Pants today. Everything I say is the opposite. "I don' wanna" is the continuous whine. I told him to put his coat on "don wanna put coat on" so I said he'd get cold "don wanna get cold" SO PUT THE FRICKIN COAT ON!!! ARGHHHHHHH
And breathe.
I got loads of Christmas cards in the post today which makes me feel immensely guilty as I haven't sent any for about 2 years. I assumed that would take me OFF people's lists but no - they are still much nicer people than I am and continue to send festive cheer through the Royal Mail.....and I'm ever so grateful. Will try harder next year I promise.....
I got a new sofa today. A while ago Rob was taking the piss out of the Cosmic Ordering System - a la Noel Edmonds. Regular readers may remember I experimented with the Ordering system a while ago and asked for a healthy baby and a new car. I got both. And the new car was so not on the cards at the time I asked for it. It's consistently the post that gets googled the most on my blog!
And so I told Rob I'd try again and I wanted a new sofa. I have wanted one for ages - a leather one - but there's no point buying one as the boys will only wreck it..but I still watch those DFS adverts and wish....
And last night, on Facebook, a Netmum who I met for the first time on Saturday (and got on with immediately) was asking if anyone wanted a black leather sofa in excellent condition. I got on the phone, found a man and van round the corner who could pick it up for £50. They did so - we couldn't get it in the house but after they removed the banisters we got my lovely new sofa in! In the meantime I put my old sofa on Freecycle and half an hour after the new one was in, the old one was gone.
My lovely new black leather sofa!Love it. All fell into place (although the banister is now even more rickety than it was but it needed replacing anyway....) with remarkable ease....and the universe answered my request again...
I almost don't want to push it by asking for anything else! I also don't really NEED anything else.....but try it - really do - even if you feel silly! In my original request I made up a poem. For the sofa I just asked out loud in my kitchen. I did say please. Maybe that helped...Let me know if it works for you!!!
What else....I had loads of things in my head when I started.....
Erm.....
I am very grateful to Starbucks UK for not scrimping on Eggnog this year - last year you couldn't get a Nog Latte for love nor money - this year you can and I have been indulging a bit...my weight has stayed the same for the last two weeks (sort of....I put on a pound and a half then took it off a week later) and I'm not going to WW this week as I'm singing at Toby's preschool party......and I have been given choccies twice! Ah well....it's Christmas.
Rob has the week off next week and we've got lots of festive fun planned. On Monday Oz and I are going to my friend Pearl's christmas do at her office (we're pretending Oz is her Godson so he can get in!) and I hope to grab some sushi while in town....Tuesday I'm hoping to see my dear dear chum Red who lives in Dubai - we must have been related in a previous life as I am so attached to her it must be sisterhood. Wednesday we are going to Selfridges to see Santa and the Christmas lights and Thursday we're off to the panto at Greenwich. Then it's Christmas! Lovely!
How many times have I said Christmas in this post....I'll stop waffling now - go order something cosmically and tell me how you get on!
Tuesday, December 08, 2009
Oz having a go at finishing the tree off:
It's looking pretty festive at the moment round at ours! And I've been counting my blessings recently as there seems so much sadness and stress around with my friends - trying to be as supportive as I can but I'm run ragged at the moment......
No time to post more but just wanted to say a slightly belated WELCOME to the beautiful Yoshabelle Giselle - daughter to Moxie who birthed her in record time - 9lbs 11!!! Nearly as big as Oz and I'm twice the size of Mox! The sweetest bits of this week so far have been watching that beautiful baby on webcam....
It's looking pretty festive at the moment round at ours! And I've been counting my blessings recently as there seems so much sadness and stress around with my friends - trying to be as supportive as I can but I'm run ragged at the moment......
No time to post more but just wanted to say a slightly belated WELCOME to the beautiful Yoshabelle Giselle - daughter to Moxie who birthed her in record time - 9lbs 11!!! Nearly as big as Oz and I'm twice the size of Mox! The sweetest bits of this week so far have been watching that beautiful baby on webcam....
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