Tobyisms....

He's being totally cute and I just have to write these down so I don't forget them.

"I tell you a story. Once upon a time.....there was Me! I lost my present in the water. The end"

"Anuvver story. Once upon a time there was a house. Me was in the house. There was a rooster who ate grass and there was egg. Rooster sat on egg to make it hatch. Look! A hand! Look! A baby hamster"

I went to a lovely open house where some friends and others were selling home-made crafts - I was showing Rob what I'd bought as presents for christmas for friends (not the boys) and Toby was in tears because he didn't have a present. "I is sad" was the wail.....

He's so cute!!!

Martha Stewart eat your f***ing heart out...

Argh! My life is bonkers at the moment...Have had so much to do, so many commitments.....

This morning....Oscar wakes up in tears saying his neck hurts. Rob said he felt some glands but now Oscar has his chin glued to his chest, refuses to raise his head and says it hurts too much. He's got a bit of a "honky cough" (his words) and I've no doubt he feels a bit rubbish - but he really is milking it. When he thought I wasn't looking his head pops up to see the telly.....

Because I love him, and I'm a sucker, I'm up to my eyes in grated carrot. I was inspired by my stonecutter chum Annie to make breakfast muffins at some point over the weekend and had made the mistake of telling the boys about it- Oz and Toby are rubbish at eating breakfast and Annie came up with this fab recipe and I thought it was a great idea - cake for breakfast!

Now I'm not a great cook and also a lot of Annie's ingredients were complicated (flax seed meal?) and not the sort of thing I have in my cupboards. I found this one instead on the Waitrose website and we happened to have everything in the house....


300g plain wholemeal flour
50g rolled porridge oats, plus extra for decoration
3 heaped tsp baking powder
½ tsp mixed spice
½ tsp ground cinnamon
100g raisins
100g dried apricots, chopped
50g pecans, chopped
50g caster sugar
100ml sunflower oil
150ml natural yogurt
150ml milk
1 medium egg, beaten
2 medium bananas, mashed
1 tsp vanilla extract
2 small apples, grated
1 medium carrot (100g peeled weight), coarsely grated Preheat the oven to 190°C, gas mark 5.

Lightly oil a non-stick muffin pan with 12 large cups (or two six-cup pans).
Combine the first nine ingredients (the dry ingredients) in a large bowl and set aside. In another bowl, mix the remaining (wet) ingredients well. Pour the wet ingredients into the dry and stir until just combined.
Spoon into the prepared pans. Sprinkle with oats and bake for 20 minutes or till a skewer inserted into the middle comes out clean.

Leave in the tin for 5 minutes, then cool on a rack. Eat when still warm.

You can prepare the dry and wet ingredients the night before. Combine the two in the morning and you'll have a fresh-baked breakfast.

So, before I even had a cup of tea this morning, I was grating apples and carrots and combining ingredients. They are in the oven now. I can smell them and they smell lush.....

Oz is coughing, Toby is whining.....hurry up cakes!!!

My brain has dried up

It's been so long since I've posted...time seems to be on speed at the moment - I can't work out where November went......

I've stretched myself a bit thin this month - Governor and PTA school stuff has eaten my life! I've been doing training at weekends, meetings in evenings, meetings inbetween work and picking up boys......a bit TOO much in a way - I'm hoping it will die down....

Rob has had to work late most evenings in the past two weeks and the evenings he wasn't, I seemed to be out. I haven't even watched House this week!

We had some stuff to deal with too that I'm not quite ready to blog about but am processing - all fine but just a bit of a headfuck.

Toby was in A&E with croup - ambulance and everything - he really couldn't breathe and it was all a bit scary but he's fine now - just got a horrid cough....

Fine. It's a word I keep writing. A few weeks ago I remember thinking how content I was with my life - how things seemed to be settling down with the boys, how Rob and I were happy and reconnected.....and then look what happened - topsy turvy again. It's not bad at the moment - just chaotic.

I have a great analogy I have always used - rowboat moments. Most of the time I feel like the QE2 - blazing through the sea, twinkly lights, big bold ship - no idea where I'm going but forging on ahead....then suddenly I'll find myself in a leaky rowboat with one oar in the middle of the ocean with no idea what to do.....

It took me years to admit I had rowboat moments - I used to pretend everything was wonderful all the time and not allow myself to have weak spots. Now I freely admit it, even plaster it all over the worldwide web when I'm having a crap day.

This doesn't feel like a rowboat moment. I'm still a big ship, I've just lost my compass and there's stormy weather around. I'm sure I'll sail through it but it won't be easy.

Ok I'm analogising myself a little bit too much now. I'm just trying to explain whilst still keeping a bit of privacy.....(why am I writing a blog again?)

Enough. On the upside....I'm getting all Christmassy. I bloody love Christmas and I love that Toby will really get it this year. We're going to Selfridges to see Santa, going to pantomimes and I've been online shopping and have got some fab presents for the boys. My sister is coming over to England for February Half Term which will be fab. My lovely bestest mate Moxie is about to pop her third baby into the world - any day now - and I can't wait to meet him/her.....

Things could be a hell of a lot worse. Some things could be better. ...can't say it any better than this:

Pirates and Autumn Pie

It's been a good day. I did my friend Liz's daughter's birthday party - Liz wanted me to entertain the kids for about half an hour. With the help of my amazing husband I gave the kids the story of Captain Alice and the Leaky Tub. A little role play with silly sound effects. Alice loves pirates but I also had a couple of mermaids and one pirate cat. We all had a jolly time and I earnt £20! Hoorah!

In 2 days I'm going to be flying up to Scotland to see my bestest bud Moxie, her adorable children and her hunk of a husband. I can't wait!

And today, after the party, I was feeling a tad creative in the culinary department so I made what I have now called Autumn Pie.....

I fried 2 onions, a green pepper, a packet of turkey mince, 1 green pepper and 1 courgette (zuchini to my American readers) in a little olive oil. I added a little sprinkle of herby good with everything salt and let it fry for a while until the mince was brown (or as brown as turkey mince gets). I added a tin of Heinz Beans and a tin of Heinz Tomato soup. I also added some flour to thicken it up and let it bubble on the hob for a while and I added a splish of Lea & Perrins Worcestershire Sauce too. In the meantime I boiled some swede carrot and potato cut into chunks, then mashed it with a little milk and some butter. Once the turkey mix had thickened and the veg softened I spooned the orange mash on top and popped it in the oven.

It was VERY orange. Hence the name. I really wasn't sure how it would turn out...but Oscar LOVED it. He is currently eating his second bowlful. He asked if he could have Autumn Pie every weekend from now on. Even Rob liked it - he didn't add Tony's Creole Seasoning to it either (which he often does to my cooking). Toby refuses to try it. His loss as Oscar is eating his portion!

Oscar, as I type this, has told me he's too full to finish his second helping, but asked if he did a poo, and pooed all his food out, would there be room for some more? Love it.

Getting it off my chest

Something that's been bugging me for a while.......why the hell do grown women still act like schoolgirls and bitch about each other? It's happening all around me and it's doing my head in.

I remember at the beginning of the school term I saw an article somewhere (probably the evil Daily Mail) warning new mums at the school gates about etiquette and cliques. If I'd have read it a few years ago, I'd have disregarded it.

But it's true.

Mums do gossip. We don't have a lot else to talk about when we're full time mummies. I understand that. It's unavoidable. I do it myself but I hope not maliciously. But it can get so nasty. Ganging up on other women....commenting on their parenting or their home......making other women feel uncomfortable because they haven't got a full face of makeup on at drop off time......

There are lots of examples. I've found out today that someone I thought was a friend has been talking about me behind my back. Most of it I'd disregard but one of the things she said was that a group of friends (who I consider close friends) didn't actually like me at all. Which pressed my ex-public school hang up button.

When I was at school I didn't ever feel secure in my friendships. I was the ultimate people pleaser - desperate to make friends. This usually came from the fact that I moved schools every two years or so due to Dad's job so was often in a class with established long term friendships, sometimes mid-term, and I'd do anything to have some friends. But I never really felt like I belonged with people and always imagined they'd run off and leave me. In fact that did literally happen in one school - a gang of girls invited me into town at lunch time then ran away on the way to town (and because I was the fat kid I couldn't keep up). Nasty. Schoolgirl nasty.

And in my twenties I thought I'd dealt with all this crap. I had a friend who was walking all over me, who I was people pleasing with, who I finally said enough to. And I realised that people did actually like me - just for being me. And I didn't have to buy or cajole their friendship. And if I did, then they weren't actually good friends at all, or worth being friends with. It was a big lesson for me. And I thought I'd got it.

But all it took was one gossip and I was back in the street on the way to town again. Paranoid that this group of friends I'd made and spend a lot of time with, would really rather I fucked off and left them alone......

Argh!

Why do we do it? Why do we, as grown women, do this to other women? To women we call "friends". Or to other mums who we don't even know.....

I had a lot of this last year from one particular mum whose kid didn't get on with Oscar at school and accused Oscar of bullying her son. And screamed at me across a classroom. And was always whispering about my kid in the school yard with another mum. Who had me in tears in the Head teacher's office. And I thought that had finished now. And here I am again today. Stressed. Upset. Paranoid.

I wish I could rise above it all and ignore it. That's why I'm splarging all this out on "paper" and getting it out of my system. And reminding myself. And resolving to try and not gossip or comment on anyone. Unrealistic? Probably. But I'm going to try and think before I speak so I'm not doing to some other woman, what this woman has done to me today.

Sheesh! Rant over. Watch this and laugh instead....