Tonight Matthew....

Toby is going to be Chumbawumba.

"I get put down. But I wake up again. You're never gonna get me down.....Screaming the night away.....Screaming the night away"

I feel like a zombie. My life has stopped and revolves around lack of sleep. Toby's sleep has (if possible) got worse again. Screamed for 2 hours the other night before he went to sleep. Wakes three or four times. Wakes up properly at 5am.

I think it's teeth....I have no clue really. We dose him up on Calpol and Nurofen. Every time he wakes I give him teething gel on his gums. I give him a drink of water and cuddle him a bit. Then lie in bed and listen to him scream.

He hasn't got a temperature. He doesn't feel too cold. During the day he's lovely - happy as anything. He is napping a bit during the day but not much....

He wakes Oscar up. So I have to spend ten minutes scrabbling around under his bed to find him a dummy. (The dummies are so going in the bin soon I tell you).

I spend all night resenting Toby. Then the next day losing my temper with Oz because I'm so exhausted. I'm going to bed stupidly early. I'm neglecting my friends (sorry Pearl) because I'm too tired to return calls or write emails. I haven't watched Big Brother in 2 weeks...(though that's not necessarily bad). Someone write to Amnesty for me and tell them to save me from sleep deprived torture.....

It's Oscar's birthday party today. I'm actually looking forward to it. And the reason I'm blogging now? Rob took them out of the house this morning so I could go back to bed. I slept till 10!

I had the wierdest wierdest dream though - and don't think less of me for this - my subconcious is obviously exhausted too. I was breastfeeding Myleene Klass. Yes. Breastfeeding her. I was talking to her and telling her it was to keep her strength up now she's had her baby. (Toby was in the bed with me at this point breastfeeding while I slept so that's where that bit came from...). Then I woke up to swap Toby onto the other side. And dreamt I was sat in a cafe telling Myleene that I'd had the freakiest dream about feeding her.

Then after Rob had taken Toby off me I dreamt I was in the Big Brother house with a load of people I'd never seen. And then they put us in a lift that went really high up and crashed down like the cable had broken.

It took 2 cups of tea this morning to stop me feeling wierd.....my sanity is officially gone!