Another up and down weekend....

On Saturday we were doing a photoshoot - Oscar's first really - for my Magazine boss. Winter coats. It didn't start well - people were late so we were hanging around outside a station on a main road for half an hour - Oscar getting more manic by the minute. We went into the woods where we were shooting and Oz kept running off. I was trying to push Toby in his buggy up a rocky hill with a dirt path - so I couldn't always keep my eye on him. We got to the location. I was using sweets to bribe Oz to stay sitting on the bench - made the mistake of giving him a lollipop then trying to take it back - FULL on tantrum. The coats had to go back to the shops so I was trying to stop him getting sticky. Ended up taking the coat off him as he screamed and cried and threw himself around.

Then he turned on Toby since I was ignoring him. I'd just put Tobes in the buggy and hadn't strapped him in - yes, you guessed it - Oz pulled the buggy over sending his baby brother flying out of the buggy face down in the dirt, millimetres away from a fucking big rock.

Luckily at this point my friend Julie whisked Oscar away - I was going to kill him I swear.... - and I sorted Toby out. Miraculously (and probably due to his chubbiness), he wasn't hurt - just a scratch on his head. He was just petrified.

Oz calmed down and Julie took him away to do some more pics - supposedly he behaved after that and the pics were good. Here are some snaps my friend Julie took during breaks in the proper shoot.

Then we went to get something to eat – the shoot had taken ages, I’d been eaten alive by mosquitoes…I wasn’t in the best of moods – still very angry with Oscar….and he behaved like a nightmare in the Harvester. We sat outside thinking the kids could run around. It was hot and sunny. Oz didn’t want suncream. Then the Harvester wouldn’t give me a highchair in the garden so I had to treck back to the car (the carpark was all around the other side) and get the buggy – treck back – treck inside and order food – treck out again. Then the food arrived along with about 20 wasps – go inside carrying plates, go back and get everything – about 3 trips. The garden didn’t have an entrance to the pub – you had to walk all the way round the front of the building each time.

Oz then threw a strop inside –wanted to play on the fruit machines…wouldn’t eat his dinner. I didn’t get any of mine as I was trying to feed Toby….take my eyes off Toby for a second to try and stop Oscar being a dinosaur round the restaurant – and he sits up suddenly and falls head first out of his pushchair. He was fine – carpet – he was just freaked out again.

I felt like the worst mother in the world. Bear in mind I’m with my boss, her daughter and two other parents and kids from the shoot. I was humiliated. Hot. Angry. Hungry. Stressed.

I was giving another mum a lift so couldn’t just leave. I then promptly took Oscar to my Mum’s and left him there. For his own safety and my own sanity. Took my friend home, got in the house, Toby had slept in the car but woke up when we got in. Took him to bed to try and feed him back to sleep – no joy.

Rob was working by the way – until 6.30. I collected Oz from my Mum’s (thank you again mama!) and by the time Rob got home I was staring into space on the sofa while the boys watched Baby Einsteins.

Went to bed at 8.30pm after a bath.

Since I went to bed so early I didn't mind being woken 3 times by Toby. Well I did but I didn't feel like hell this morning.

Dad rang (did I mention that my Dad is home permanently - he's retired! It's great but I'm still not used to it. I love him being home but I haven't been in the same country as him for more than a few days in about 10 years so it's a novelty!)

He asked if I'd take him to Ikea to get some furniture so he can sort out his office. It was lovely. I love Ikea (i know I'm insane) and even though it was a Sunday and hectic, we got through in record time. Bought a few bits and bobs - including double chocolate crisp biscuits - I'd left Oz at Mum's again and he had a fab time. Toby was with Rob. So a lazy but ok day.

We're attempting potty training again. 3 accidents, 2 potty hits today. So-so. I made a lasagne for dinner and cleaned my kitchen. It sounds really boring when I write this but the fact that Toby didn't end up flat on his face today makes a real difference. Toby ate really well today. That makes me happier. Oz didn't throw any major wobblies.

So I take today as a good one. Even though it was quite boring and dull and I didn't really do anything.

I wish I could be happier - there's not much joy in my life at the moment. But I'm getting through a day at a time. Tomorrow I get a lie-in as Rob is off work. That's a small thing to look forward to....