Having a nervous breakdown!

It's been a tough few days here....starting with Friday 13th - both boys possessed by demons methinks....had a really stressy day and then as I was going out the door to celebrate with my bff Claire's birthday, Toby took a flying leap off a stool and ended up with a horrific nosebleed. He was fine - I did check before I went out (still went out though) but it was awful. Saturday was valentines but I really wasn't in the mood.....

Both of them played up at the weekend - the only highlight was Oz's Ben 10 adventure on Sunday

I won tickets for him on the Cartoon Network to go to the premiere and party for Ben 10 Alien Force. He and Rob went up to Old Billingsgate market and had a fab time - got loads of toys and goodies and a unique experience. Toby and I didn't get dressed all day (Oz wore his spacesuit as you can see)

Toby hasn't been sleeping through for ages - keeps waking up like clockwork at 2 and 4 which has been wearing me down. Sunday night Oz woke up too, with a tummyache (probably from all the free sweets at the premiere). Monday - first day of half term - wasn't too bad - spent the morning in a soft play place (actually that was bad - SO much noise) then went to the park...

Tuesday I'd planned to do aquafit and had booked both boys (and paid for both boys) to go into the creche. For some reason forgetting that Toby was at nursery.....waste of money. Then once I'd got there, got Oz in the creche, got into the changing rooms, I realised everyone was in the water already and looked a bit sweaty - so I'd got the time wrong. I do aqua every week and it's 11 till 12 but for some reason my sleep deprived head had booked 11.30-12.30 and so I missed it.

Really bad night on Tuesday - Toby had one of his croup attacks - it's happened before - spasmodic croup where there are no symptoms or fever, just sudden onset croup. So I spent an hour and a half in a steam filled bathroom, walking him round, trying to ease him - it sounds so horrible, like a bark and a really loud wheeze when he breathes. Last time it happened I called an ambulance but now I know it sounds worse than it is. Unfortunately it meant hardly any sleep as the cough keeps Toby awake or wakes him if he's sleeping as it's so loud.

He was bright as a button in the morning so I took him to nursery. I asked Claire to take Oz so I could go to my chiro appointment which I really needed as my back was in agony after carrying Toby half the night.....got to the chiro. The appointment is today, not yesterday. I felt like a complete plank.

Played at Claires in the afternoon - she's such an angel, feeding us and keeping up a constant caffeine flow for me. Rob rings to tell me he didn't realise but he wasn't going to be home till late as he had to work an event at the Planetarium. I'm so exhausted the idea of putting the boys to bed on my own isn't great but I keep thinking of a hot bubble bath and an early night myself...

Boys are playing around at bedtime, fighting in the bath....I am managing to keep the peace. Get Toby out and put him in his pjs - I have a cot-top changer that Toby is a bit too big for but makes it easier to dress him in his night clothes. He loves, at the moment, to roll off the changer once dressed into his bed. He was quite manic last night and in an early roll attempt, while I was putting his trousers on, managed to whack his lower face on the end of the cotbed.

Blood everywhere. Oz is still in the bath. I'm on my own. Wipe the blood away and comfort the screaming child. His nose was bleeding, then I saw blood in his mouth. A lot of it. I checked his teeth and his tongue - both ok - but then pull his lower lip out and see a bloody great hole - not through to the front of his mouth but a really open gash. Tell Oz to stay in the bath and carry Toby downstairs to find a phone. Ring NHS Direct who were very quick to put me on to a nurse who said to take him to casualty. Oz is still in the bath. I'm on my own. Argh!

Rang the amazing Claire who came straight round. Oz got himself out of the bath and into his pjs and into bed (he was a little star). Took Toby to Casualty - he proceeded to run amok - having a great time climbing up on chairs, trapped his finger in a drawer and needed a plaster....all the staff were asking me what I was feeding him....he was full of beans. Didn't like showing the doc his wounds - but I held him hard and the doctor checked him out. He was fine. The lip, though deep, will heal - mouth injuries heal quicker than others. And he checked his nose which was also fine - not broken or bruised. It felt like a bit of a waste but we were only there for just over an hour so it could have been worse.

Don't know what I would have done without Claire - I'm so grateful.

Last night was another bad one. I think Toby's lip hurt him as he kept waking and screaming his head off. I'm so exhausted. Oz has gone to a daycamp today and Toby is at nursery - I should try and get some sleep this morning but I've got the correct chiro appointment soon and the house is a sty. I'm sort of beyond it now - an hour's kip wouldn't fix it. I'm brewing coffee instead.

Argh. What a horrible few days. I'm really missing my Mum too! She's on a boat in the middle of a tropical ocean - they don't get back till the end of next week.....