Just for Kirsti....

A fab birthday party

This afternoon we went to Frank's birthday party. He's one of Oz's NCT chums. It was amazing. Andrea, his mum, had arranged for us all to go to Forest Hill Fire Station - it was amazing - the kids got to sit in the fire engine and play with the hose. Phenomenal idea for a birthday party! Hoorah!

Toby has a tooth!!!

Just poking through - lower left front one. Breastfeeding will now be a tricky process....

He's still sleeping through - just waking up at 6. Which I can't really complain about.....yet!

Oz is still dry - no accidents for days now - and we have cut down on the candy rewards - he's easily distracted. Still gets a mini bag of haribo for pooing though.

So that's a brief, bodily function obsessed update. Will try and get a pic of the tooth - I haven't seen it yet (Rob has) but have definitely felt it!

Some pics for Mum

Sorry Mum - didn't have a chance to take that many - always had my hands full of Toby or something. Have got some video footage of the nursery fun day and the cake so will try and put it on youtube soon. But here are the highlights...

He had a fab day. Got loads of amazing presents (we finally opened them all). Some brilliant books including Captain Flinn and the Pirate Dinosaurs (combining his 2 loves), Where The Wild Things Are (my favourite as a kid), Igor the bird who couldn't sing and some Mr Men books, a radio controlled car, a thomas the tank engine track with a thomas who goes round on his own, a spiderman quad bike (his current favourite toy), some clothes, some dino pics for his wall, K'nex bug kit, some art equipment...I think that's everything but I'm sure I forgot something - SO much!

The nursery fun day was fab. Toby ate his first ever sausage and thoroughly enjoyed it.

Lots of activities and some fundraising for Make A Wish foundation. We won the "guess how many sweeties in the jar" competition, much to Oscar and Rob's delight....there were 805...I think there are about 500 left....though Rob's responsible for that - a selection of mini shrimps, foam bananas and dolly mixtures - luckily all sweets I don't particularly like! Oz ate lots of cake and is on a serious sugar high! But a great birthday. I'm exhausted! Hopefully so is he. (Toby went down like a dream.)

HE SLEPT THROUGH!!! Oh and it's Oscar's birthday

After 3 nights of leaving Toby - closing the door at 7.30 and not going back in until at least 5am he slept through last night. Woke at 6.45. Previous nights he'd woken at around 5.30 and I'd fed him and he'd gone back to sleep until 7 - last night was perfect. CROSS YOUR FINGERS that he does it again tonight.


Oscar is having a wonderful birthday. Woke up to lots of presents - he still hasn't opened half of them. He loved his scooter from us - we also went and got him his Triceratops who he loves to bits. Spent the morning in the park after the shops and he's now gone for a nap. This afternoon his nursery has a fun day so we're hijacking it and telling Oz it's his second party - we've bought a huge cake to share - should be fun.


But the best present of the day was Toby sleeping all night. THANK GOD! Let's hope this is the start of a whole new phase of wide awake Sally!

Trying to be a bit brighter

My blog has been bloody miserable the last few entries hasn't it. I'm trying to look for the silver lining...be more upbeat. More positive. So here are some good things.

Oz had a brilliant birthday party. Had his face painted pink (wouldn't let them do anything else), got a binbag full of pressies (which I've hidden till Friday - his real birthday), played with his friends, had a big cake. Fab day. My dad came which was wonderful. Lots of friends were there - it was a bit hectic! But a really good party. Oz is completely confused now as to when his birthday is but I'm sure he'll work it out on Friday when he's buried under a ton of fabulous gifts. Thank you to all who came or sent cards or pressies to the lucky brat. Much appreciated.

Potty training. We're bribing him with sweets which isn't ideal but sod it - it's working. Perfect day today - no accidents at all. He's even been going to the toilet on his own when we're out at play places. We're going to gently wean him off the sweets soon but at the moment it's working so I ain't changing it. He's brushing his teeth a bit more. And he's at no risk for obesity at the moment - the kid is skinny as a rake.

Toby. Right. On Monday night I decided I couldn't do the 4 times a night waking anymore and I was going to leave him to cry. I remember getting to this stage with Oz and one night leaving him cured him - he slept through after that. I hate doing it - I'm not a Gina Ford fan. But I'm too exhausted to do pick up put down (and Toby's too bloody heavy) and I need to teach him to sleep and go to sleep on his own. So Monday night - he woke at 3.30 as per usual and I didn't go in. He cried on and off until 4.30. Woke again at 5.30 when I went in and fed him. I had a doctor's appointment on Tuesday morning. I looked like hell as I hadn't slept much. I've got an infected toe and a chest infection. Doc basically told me I looked like shit and that I needed to get more sleep as my immune system was low. She asked about Toby's sleep patterns and bedtime routine. She suggested that I not breastfeed him last thing - to feed him THEN bath him, read him a story and put him down. Obvious isn't it.....She also reassured me that leaving him to cry was a good idea - he doesn't need feeding at night.

It's funny - she's almost given me permission in my head.....so last night I fed him, Rob bathed him, then we read Goodnight Moon, I sang Godspeed by the Dixie Chicks to him as I cuddled him and put him down. He wasn't best pleased. Cried for half an hour. I was strong - cooked dinner and hung washing - kept myself busy - while listening to him wail on teh monitor. Rob told me to turn it off but I felt I had to listen out for him. He stopped and went to sleep. I checked on him half an hour later and he was peaceful and sweet looking.

He woke up at 5.30. That's the LONGEST he's ever slept. So we're doing it tonight. And as I type, it's been 10 minutes since I shut his door and he's asleep already. So as much as I slag Ms Ford off, it does work. And as long as I keep ignoring the NSPCC ad that plays in my head (Nicholas has learnt that no one comes when he cries....that one) then I think it's worth it. Toby is still his happy cheerful self all day - more so - and I don't feel like a zombie.

Mum and Dad are off visiting my sis in America and I do miss them already. But Rob is off this week which is a help. I escaped today and went to Victoria Station for lunch - classy eh? But I had a discount voucher for Yo Sushi to use so I had a leisurely lunch alone. Which was lovely. Course came home to a very stressed hubby....but it was worth it - welcome to my world.....

Looking forward to Oscar's birthday on Friday. We're going to take him to the Build A Bear Workshop as they have a triceratops you can make - I think he'll love it. And I'll let him open a present every half hour and probably will still have some left over! Tomorrow I get a lie - in as Rob is here, and they we're going to Catford to buy the other part of Oz's present - a scooter.

I've been neglecting my friends, my work and my phone and emails for a few days so apologies to all. I'm fine - honestly. And thank you to those who have rung, emailed or even offered to pray for me (go ahead Beege - I'll take all the help I can get!). I'm thankful for your friendship all of you.

I'm going to endeavour to brighten up and might even try and tell a joke next post.....!

Tonight Matthew....

Toby is going to be Chumbawumba.

"I get put down. But I wake up again. You're never gonna get me down.....Screaming the night away.....Screaming the night away"

I feel like a zombie. My life has stopped and revolves around lack of sleep. Toby's sleep has (if possible) got worse again. Screamed for 2 hours the other night before he went to sleep. Wakes three or four times. Wakes up properly at 5am.

I think it's teeth....I have no clue really. We dose him up on Calpol and Nurofen. Every time he wakes I give him teething gel on his gums. I give him a drink of water and cuddle him a bit. Then lie in bed and listen to him scream.

He hasn't got a temperature. He doesn't feel too cold. During the day he's lovely - happy as anything. He is napping a bit during the day but not much....

He wakes Oscar up. So I have to spend ten minutes scrabbling around under his bed to find him a dummy. (The dummies are so going in the bin soon I tell you).

I spend all night resenting Toby. Then the next day losing my temper with Oz because I'm so exhausted. I'm going to bed stupidly early. I'm neglecting my friends (sorry Pearl) because I'm too tired to return calls or write emails. I haven't watched Big Brother in 2 weeks...(though that's not necessarily bad). Someone write to Amnesty for me and tell them to save me from sleep deprived torture.....

It's Oscar's birthday party today. I'm actually looking forward to it. And the reason I'm blogging now? Rob took them out of the house this morning so I could go back to bed. I slept till 10!

I had the wierdest wierdest dream though - and don't think less of me for this - my subconcious is obviously exhausted too. I was breastfeeding Myleene Klass. Yes. Breastfeeding her. I was talking to her and telling her it was to keep her strength up now she's had her baby. (Toby was in the bed with me at this point breastfeeding while I slept so that's where that bit came from...). Then I woke up to swap Toby onto the other side. And dreamt I was sat in a cafe telling Myleene that I'd had the freakiest dream about feeding her.

Then after Rob had taken Toby off me I dreamt I was in the Big Brother house with a load of people I'd never seen. And then they put us in a lift that went really high up and crashed down like the cable had broken.

It took 2 cups of tea this morning to stop me feeling wierd.....my sanity is officially gone!

Another up and down weekend....

On Saturday we were doing a photoshoot - Oscar's first really - for my Magazine boss. Winter coats. It didn't start well - people were late so we were hanging around outside a station on a main road for half an hour - Oscar getting more manic by the minute. We went into the woods where we were shooting and Oz kept running off. I was trying to push Toby in his buggy up a rocky hill with a dirt path - so I couldn't always keep my eye on him. We got to the location. I was using sweets to bribe Oz to stay sitting on the bench - made the mistake of giving him a lollipop then trying to take it back - FULL on tantrum. The coats had to go back to the shops so I was trying to stop him getting sticky. Ended up taking the coat off him as he screamed and cried and threw himself around.

Then he turned on Toby since I was ignoring him. I'd just put Tobes in the buggy and hadn't strapped him in - yes, you guessed it - Oz pulled the buggy over sending his baby brother flying out of the buggy face down in the dirt, millimetres away from a fucking big rock.

Luckily at this point my friend Julie whisked Oscar away - I was going to kill him I swear.... - and I sorted Toby out. Miraculously (and probably due to his chubbiness), he wasn't hurt - just a scratch on his head. He was just petrified.

Oz calmed down and Julie took him away to do some more pics - supposedly he behaved after that and the pics were good. Here are some snaps my friend Julie took during breaks in the proper shoot.

Then we went to get something to eat – the shoot had taken ages, I’d been eaten alive by mosquitoes…I wasn’t in the best of moods – still very angry with Oscar….and he behaved like a nightmare in the Harvester. We sat outside thinking the kids could run around. It was hot and sunny. Oz didn’t want suncream. Then the Harvester wouldn’t give me a highchair in the garden so I had to treck back to the car (the carpark was all around the other side) and get the buggy – treck back – treck inside and order food – treck out again. Then the food arrived along with about 20 wasps – go inside carrying plates, go back and get everything – about 3 trips. The garden didn’t have an entrance to the pub – you had to walk all the way round the front of the building each time.

Oz then threw a strop inside –wanted to play on the fruit machines…wouldn’t eat his dinner. I didn’t get any of mine as I was trying to feed Toby….take my eyes off Toby for a second to try and stop Oscar being a dinosaur round the restaurant – and he sits up suddenly and falls head first out of his pushchair. He was fine – carpet – he was just freaked out again.

I felt like the worst mother in the world. Bear in mind I’m with my boss, her daughter and two other parents and kids from the shoot. I was humiliated. Hot. Angry. Hungry. Stressed.

I was giving another mum a lift so couldn’t just leave. I then promptly took Oscar to my Mum’s and left him there. For his own safety and my own sanity. Took my friend home, got in the house, Toby had slept in the car but woke up when we got in. Took him to bed to try and feed him back to sleep – no joy.

Rob was working by the way – until 6.30. I collected Oz from my Mum’s (thank you again mama!) and by the time Rob got home I was staring into space on the sofa while the boys watched Baby Einsteins.

Went to bed at 8.30pm after a bath.

Since I went to bed so early I didn't mind being woken 3 times by Toby. Well I did but I didn't feel like hell this morning.

Dad rang (did I mention that my Dad is home permanently - he's retired! It's great but I'm still not used to it. I love him being home but I haven't been in the same country as him for more than a few days in about 10 years so it's a novelty!)

He asked if I'd take him to Ikea to get some furniture so he can sort out his office. It was lovely. I love Ikea (i know I'm insane) and even though it was a Sunday and hectic, we got through in record time. Bought a few bits and bobs - including double chocolate crisp biscuits - I'd left Oz at Mum's again and he had a fab time. Toby was with Rob. So a lazy but ok day.

We're attempting potty training again. 3 accidents, 2 potty hits today. So-so. I made a lasagne for dinner and cleaned my kitchen. It sounds really boring when I write this but the fact that Toby didn't end up flat on his face today makes a real difference. Toby ate really well today. That makes me happier. Oz didn't throw any major wobblies.

So I take today as a good one. Even though it was quite boring and dull and I didn't really do anything.

I wish I could be happier - there's not much joy in my life at the moment. But I'm getting through a day at a time. Tomorrow I get a lie-in as Rob is off work. That's a small thing to look forward to....

A lovely lovely day!

Thank you for all the lovely wishes, facebook stuff and comments. Much appreciated.

Had a fantastic day. Got up and took Oz to nursery then went straight to Mum's. I meant to have a nap but was too excited so went to London straightaway. I went to Evans and spent ages mooching their sale - bought 2 tops - well one is more like a dress - will get pics and show you.

Then I had my haircut in a Pob again - much cooler on the back of my neck - again I will take pictures I promise.

Jumped in a taxi cos I love taxis - short ride to Covent Garden and then a scrumptious lunch of sushi - I mainly ate hand rolls - salmon skin and prawn tempura ones. Yummmm.

Then I mooched around the shops a bit but it was very hot and there were so many people - so got back to Mum's and had my nap then!

Got home to a living room full of pink and white balloons and a huge chocolate cake! Then we went out to dinner at a very swanky bistro place in Crystal Palace - Joanna's - and I had seared scallops and a very posh burger.

A perfect day really!