And now for something completely different

ego marketing. It's making me laugh and it's also making me sad for all the suckers who get conned....let me explain...ages and ages ago, for a laugh, I found poetry.com. Now let me explain - you can submit any old drivel of verse and they put it up on their website. And then they bombard you with sycophantic emails telling you how talented you are, how you've won a prize, how you are the poet of the frickin millenium and must come to be honoured at their ceremony in some poky hotel in Las Vegas for the amazing price of $xx,000 dollars.

Here is an exerpt from an email: Your poem will be presented at the largest and most prestigious gathering of poets in history and it's so very important for us and your fellow poets to hear your poem read with the same passion and emotion which you intended when you wrote it. This is why we have arranged for a professional poetry reader to present your poem, allowing your poetry to receive the exposure and recognition you deserve. All you need to do to have your work presented is submit your poem quickly. Just imagine -- all of the attending guests at the upcoming International Society of Poets Annual Convention will hear your poetry read.

I'm also being given awards! For my poem! Outstanding Achievement in Poetry Award ($300.00 value), bronze Commemorative Award Medallion ($40.00). My goodness. They must really see how talented I am! I'm an artist. I'm a poet!

Oh.... Additionally, we must ask you to send a nominal fee ($169.00 plus shipping and handling) to cover the expenses we incur presenting your poetry, and to cover the costs to insure and ship all of these extremely bulky and heavy awards to you. For this small fee you will receive over $400.00 worth of ISP membership materials, including your lead crystal Outstanding Achievement in Poetry Award!

That's poetry.com. And here's my poem...do you think I'm an artist? (just realised this link doesn't work so search for reeve, sally - it's called Workday Blue)

This evening I received another email that I'm presuming came via this evil website...from Noble House UK Publishers. And this is what they said
As you may know, Noble House is one of the world's foremost publishers of fiction and nonfiction works by new and established authors. Our poetry division in the U.K. has had the honour of publishing the poetry of more than 800 poets over the past twelve years.
Recently I had the pleasure of reading your poetry that you have had published in the United States. I was moved so much by your written words that I have selected you to honour with our most desired and prestigious Noble House 2006 Lapel Pin.

Oh my gosh - my fellow countrymen have discovered my talents too! I'm so famous....they go on to reinforce this Just imagine the sense of gratification you will feel when others see this Limited Edition pin with 24-karat gold honouring your poetic accomplishments and acknowledge your poetic distinction. What an impressive way to show off your status as an elite member of Noble House Publishers!

Oh there's another nominal fee. $69.95....

BASTARDS! I found this hysterically funny at first - go back and read my poem for god's sake. But then I felt awful because there will be people out there - from depressed angst ridden teenagers to frustrated writers to gullible housewives who will be suckered by this. Who will get self-worth and happiness from buying tatty QVC rejected fake crystal awards in the mistaken belief that someone out there thinks they are worth something. Is $69.95 the price of instant self-esteem. If so, is that a bargain?

Are you repulsed by this or amused? I keep changing my mind. Part of me thinks it's a genius idea to make money by expoiting people's dreams....so many industries do that, from modelling to acting to writing. And part of me thinks it's evil and manipulative and possibly illegal.

On another tangent - I'm full of em tonight - go watch this - it's fascinating. Click on her videos and start at the beginning. This sweet 24 year old, Lucy, a wannabe actress, has moved from Texas to LA to try and achieve her dream of being a movie star. And is coming down to earth with a bump. She speaks so honestly of all that is sleazy and depressing about our business - being humiliated by a casting director, being sleazed and casting couched by a manager, having to find your niche (her pronunciation is interesting) and be pigeonholed - and yet, when she talks about acting, about going to see a movie that touches her and that makes her want to be part of something magical - I totally relate.

This is me (slightly better looking, thinner, brunette and american) about 10 years ago. When my idealistic dreams of being an actress started to wear down under the pressure of auditioning to be fat nurse in casualty for the umpteenth time. And not getting the part. And working as a temp. And borrowing money off my mum....

She's lovely. Lucy I mean - my mum is too, but I'm talking about Lucy. She's honest and hopeful and funny. She says the word "like" too often for my taste, but she's American. She can't help it.

She's incredibly popular on You Tube. So maybe that will be her ticket to dreamland. Who knows. I'm just interested by her. And it's taken my mind off the business for an afternoon.