Tell me please cos I'm feeling upset but then again I'm so bloody hormonal at the moment that I have no perspective.
I'm very close to my NCT gang - we all met when pregnant and shared so much together - our kids have grown up together. We don't see eachother as much as we want because everyone is working plus 2 moved away from London - 1 to Tunbridge Wells. We often go down en masse to visit her in Tunbridge. Two of the group have also had second babies within a month or so of eachother. One is the Tunbridge Wells mum. (Getting it so far?)
We'd planned a visit to Tunbridge this Friday but then one of the other mums can't make it so we've postponed it for a week. Then the one mum with the second baby emailed to say she was going to go anyway this Friday so the two new mummies could catch up. So I emailed them both to see if I could come too - it's been a bit hard this week - my first week without teaching and I've had not a lot to do - I'd blocked this Friday out as a day trip and without it, I'm stuck with nothing to do and nowhere to go. And I hate being on my own or stuck in with Oscar.
But I got an email from the Tunbridge Wells mum to say they want to talk about their new babies and that she doesn't want me to come. And I'm really upset about it. Feeling left out. And pissed off. But I'm worried it's just cos I'm very hormonal (I cried at the Jerry Springer show earlier....I mean...really!)
It feels cliquey. I know they've shared another pregnancy. They have become closer because of this. But I feel really hurt....
Am I being over-sensitive? Answers on a postcard to my comments box please....
15 comments:
I don't think you are being over-sensitive at all! I think that was quite rude of them actually. Never mind, you can flick two fingers to them when we come to visit! ;-) XXX
I'd be hurt too at being excluded - heck, especially when you're expecting your second.
Can you dump Oz on mum for Friday and do something for yourself instead?
How rude! I can't believe this woman asked you not to come, especially since you're on your second pregnancy.
The whole this is just awful. That woman should be ashamed of herself.
Very, very, very rude. I can understand that they might want some one-on-one time, but really. Everyone had that day marked on their schedules. If I were in your shoes, my feelings definitely would have been hurt, too.
Snarky bitches. I wish you could come hang out with us on Friday instead. We'd have more fun, anyway.
I am constantly amazed at the audacity of some people - unbelievably rude and the fact she took the time to email. If she was that concerned about being just the two of them, why bother emailing everyone anyway? COW, I am outraged on your behalf and wish only stinky, thick tar nappies for her from now on.
Effing hell!! That's like me saying, sorry Sally, you're having a baby, I'm not, don't want to talk to you anymore, we've nothing in common. I mean for crying out loud, how about the fact that we are both women, both similar ages, both got married in gold, both live near each other, both have a good sense of humour, both get on really well with each other and we just both HAPPEN to have children too which is just a bonus!! I'm not a fan of conversations that revolve only around children, as you know, I do have a life!
You are not being oversensitive, I don't get asked out on nights out because it's assumed I can't hack it because of my illness, or because they all are or have been single parents with something in common and even though I was I didn't have it tough (I'm not even going to bother putting anyone right on that one!)
I'm going into Bromley tomorrow to buy birthday pressies for two special little ladies. Don't be at home, come play with me and the Bee Gees!!
Alx
Miserable old whatsits. I'd be upset too Sal. I think they should come off your christmas card list... They proably didn't mean it the way it sounded, but they shouldn't have said it at all. Tut!
I'm free friday lunchtime/afternoon if you want to play instead?
Urs x
Ooh - after so many lovely comments I feel the need to play devil's advocate - or avocado if you prefer.
The thing is Sally I think it all comes down to the word sensitive - they are being insensitive, and you are being sensitive (not in a bad way). They may not have had the experience of being left out, and so don't see how this could hurt you, you, on the other hand (like me) hate to feel left out.
I think it was really good of you to ask if you could come along too, and very rude of them to exclude you on the basis that you haven't popped your sprog yet!
I have three suggestions for you:-
1) Use it as an opportunity to work on feeling left out - you know they want to see you next week, just not today.
2) Consider whether you actually want to be friends with people who treat you this way - you know them better, but if people act in a way that you feel hurts you you should definitely rethink the friendship - or give it a break. Sometimes people go through really inconsiderate times (when they start seeing a new man and go on and on about them!) so sometimes you need to pull back and give them time to recover their senses.
3) Come into town on Friday and have a sushi fest with me! Pamper yourself at home - take ages to get ready and then you could always go for a movie or theatre matinee in the afternoon!
xxx Pearl
Do you think that it might be something else? Like, one of them might be having a huge problem with being a mum second time around, and she might want to discuss it with someone in a similar stuation, and not upset someone who has all this to come and might not have the same experience? I'm just thinking that it takes an awful lot for anyone to say to someone who is in the same gang as them "actually, just the two of us are doing this this time" and the whole "wanting to talk about the new babies" excuse might be a sort of "some truth in a lie" reason. Most people would simply not be so rude for no reason, and these are people who previously have never been like that - so could it be that there is a reasonable explanation?
If the trip has been postponed, then I suggest that you attend as planned and see how that goes. Within groups there are always going to be special friendships, I know I certainly have one with someone from my NCT group who I class as one of my dearest friends now, whereas the others are not. This doesn't mean that the others are not my friends.
I totally understand that you feel the way that you do, I am anxious that you don't feel the need to detatch yourself from what is a very important friendship and will become increasingly so as you face the challenges of double motherhood - maybe give a benefit of the doubt this time? All may become clear at a later date.
Love you and Happy Birthday for Tuesday
xxxx
I would be very hurt by what they did, and I am feeling hurt and angry for you. Even if they did have some sort of presonal problem to discuss and did not feel comfortable about talking with you there they could have shown a little sensitivity and explained the reason they wanted to be alone.
Kim
I was wondering on similar lines to Zoë darlin, it sounds like something else is going on there, so try not to let it taint things too much as you have other friends in the group. Not that they've not behaved a bit oddly, I just think there's a reason behind it.
Even if you are feeling sensitive right now, it doesn't mean your feelings are any less hurt. Whether the slight is percieved or actual the pain is still the same.
I'm in the same boat - I've been stressing, upset and crying alternately since you mentioned about the J thing the other day. Crazy but true. I'm sure I'll get over it though.
Hope you find something to do on Friday.
x
How rude!
Come and visit me in sunny brum instead :-)
Oh FFS some people eh? NO WAY are you being over-sensitive. Pah, I am so cross on your behalf.
Wow, the nerve of some people. All the way across the ocean I'm feeling so bad for you. If I was there, I'd come pick you & Oz up & take you out for a day of pampering. You certainly deserve it after that kind of treatment.
Cheers for a day filled with love from those who do care about you.
You've had some really great advice from your friends here Sal and I can't really add more, but just know that you're in no way over-sensitive, to have just a reply like that would have anyone questioning themselves. They were downright rude and should have given you a better explanation if there were other agendas. Hope you manage to iron out any doubts next week hun ;) in the meantime, go indulge in that sushi offer!
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