After a lovely saturday

Sunday sucked. Went to IKEA - big mistake with a mad toddler and a grumpy nicotine deprived husband. I was really looking forward to it - last time we went was such fun - Oscar climbing on other people's furniture....but Rob had no patience and it was very busy and it all got grumpy and horrible.

Big downer. Which lasted into Monday - I couldn't sleep on Sunday night for some reason so was knackered yesterday and Oz hasn't been himself for a while. I think he might have had roseola virus - he had a rash on Friday night and had been running a temp - but not a high one so maybe it wasn't - maybe it's teething - mum experts out there - can you get a rash with teething? A body rash - it was on his belly and back and was red - and his skin was dry. He screamed in the creche for an hour while I did my gym class but perked up in the afternoon at the soft play centre.

He drank lots yesterday but his appetite is still low which is frustrating in itself.

Today was good though -met my friends Alison and Jackie in Bromley - haven't seen them for ages - and played at Adventure Kingdom (another soft play centre) before mooching round the shops.

Oz didn't eat much and only slept for an hour if that - and is currently bawling his head off as Rob puts him to bed....

What did we do before soft play places? Can't imagine being a mum in the 70's and 80's in the winter with a hyper toddler....

Can't wait till tomorrow night to watch that breastfeeding documentary they're plugging on Channel 4 - there's a woman on there who breastfeeds her 7 year old.....will spark interesting debates I think - I breastfed till Oz was about 7 months old and then he wasn't interested - I have friends who continued until their children were around 14 months. 2 year olds breastfeeding makes me feel a little uneasy. Anything over that and I'm not sure who it's benefitting - and what sort of psychological hangups you could give your kids.

7 years old just looks totally wrong from the clips I've seen. But I know there are arguments for it - here for example - maybe it is just a cultural thing - I don't know - I'm going to watch it and then I'll let you know what I think - what do you think?

My sister ROCKS

As does my sister-in-law. It's been quite a lovely day actually. I met my gaybestfriend Marc in Greenwich for a girly afternoon catching up - he's been on tour with "Spirit of the Dance" (a Riverdance style show) where he sings as one of Ireland's Three Tenors (he's from Cornwall but does a very good Irish accent). He's lovely and we had a nice catch up.

As I left the house to go meet him, I found a parcel on my doorstep with a note from Kirsti and Terry - "something sweet to brighten your day" and brighten my day it did! My FAVOURITE chocolates - remember I said at Christmas that someone had bought me the best chocolates in the world. Well Kirsti has sent me a whole box of selections from their range - Hotel Chocolat - including white chocolate champagne truffles, chocolate medallions and 3 boxes of chocolates of the season....They seriously are the BEST I've ever tasted - almost..no actually I think they are better than sex.

THANK YOU Kirsti and Terry. I don't know what I've done to deserve you but you are angels. You've made my week.

How lucky am I?

Should I be surprised?

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Thanks Moxie...

I just got off the phone with Poppy!

Damn I love that woman. Poppy is a star. I know I've probably said all this before but tough, I'm recounting it again....

She's the reason I started blogging. Her blog is inspirationally funny, witty and brutally honest. She's going to be a published writer so soon, I just know it and I am proud to say she's one of my closest friends, even though she lives in St Louis. She's responsible for me getting pregnant. (Long story involving stonecutter mojo belly rubbing). She's made me Thanksgiving Dinner. In May. With a 3 month old baby in tow. She's travelled great distances to see me. She and I discovered Peckerwoods together. She rocks.

She can make meatloaf shaped like a house!!!!

And I can call her long distance for cooking tips.

Thank you Poppy! For being lovely and being you.

One more thing before I snooze

I nicked this off Kell...

5 Boys Names

Oscar (obviously)
Benedict (though can never call a son of mine that – long story but Moxie knows)
Toby
Barnaby
Isaac

5 Girls's Names

Lola
Scarlet
Tabitha
Abigail
Emily

5 Books

The Time Traveler's Wife
Girlfriend in a Coma
Mists of Avalon
Time Enough for Love
Cat’s Eye

5 Singers

Ella Fitzgerald
Enya
Frank Sinatra
Lead singer off Keane (don’t know his name but love his voice)
Freddie Mercury

5 Films

Highlander
Princess Bride
Fight Club
Pretty Woman
Shawshank Redemption

5 Drinks

Tea
Margarita
Diet Coke with Lime
Banana Diaquiri
Eggnog Latte

5 songs

Wonderful Baby – Don McLean (Oz’s theme song)
Dream a Little Dream of Me – Mamas and Papas
Who Wants to Live Forever – Queen
Somewhere Only We Know – Keane
You Make Me Feel So Young – Frank Sinatra

Can't think of a pithy title

It's been a bit of a tough day. Oz has been very whiny and tantrummy. He's fine if you distract him but by 4pm I was knackered. He wasn't good in the creche this morning so I could only do one class, instead of my usual two....he wouldn't eat lunch, only slept for an hour and then was running rampant round Gambado.

(And I was premenstrual btw cos I'm menstrual today which doesn't help matters. )

To answer comments questions about the weightloss - I'm heavier now than when i got pregnant the first time - and that was too heavy. I got diabetes in pregnancy and will almost certainly get it again so I need to be fighting fit - or as near as possible - before I get preggers again. Had another good day - the knitting helps - but I'm not counting points and I should. Can't find my WW handbook to work out how many points I'm on - if anyone reading can remind me of the points to weight ratio I'd be grateful. Maybe I should just go to a meeting but I can't see Oscar co-operating at ALL. He won't sit still and I'd find it too stressful (or is that just an excuse....I dunno!)



The knitting -here's a pic - it's going slowly - I am no knitting whizkid - partly because i don't have much time to do it, partly because I'm bloody slow! Every time I get the urge to nibble, I knit instead.

I've dropped a lot of stitches. But I'm liking it. God knows what it's going to be - a scarf I though because that's just a rectangle. At the moment it's just something to do with my hands.




I can hear Rob giving Oz his bath and bed routine and Oscar is giving him a hard time...part of me says "good!" so he knows what kind of day I've had, but part of me feels sorry for him! He lapsed on the fags today - smoked 4 - and has admitted he needs help to do it - the patches or gum aren't doing it for him. Problem is, he won't go to a sit down and discuss your feelings kind of support group and the idea of calling quitline makes him want a fag even more as he HATES telephones - they bring him out in a sweat. Any ideas?

Hello

Not a lot to write about today...just refuse to go to bed before 10pm! That would make me too sad and middle aged....so I'll spend the ten minutes until ten chatting to cyberspace!

We went out again today - Rob is quite down and moody - he gave up smoking on New Years Eve and is doing amazingly well - only lapsed 3 times - but I think it's hard on weekends. He used to spend most of his weekend in the shed (the only place he could smoke indoors) with his books and his paper and pens (he doodles and writes) and it was his sanctuary. He doesn't really know what to do with himself at the moment and is unenthusiastic until we actually get out of the house.

I can't stay in and Oscar definitely won't stay in all day. He needs to run about. So we went to the Horniman this afternoon - he had the attention span of a gnat so we didn't stay in the museum for long - spent the rest of the time running round outside. He's got so much energy! Unlike his parents!

I'm getting very hormonal...so many friends are pregnant again it's making me want to do it. Not enough to get off my butt and stop eating too much - I'm exercising a LOT - 3 times a week at the gym - but not losing any weight and it isn't just because muscle weighs more. I'm still not dieting even though I mean to. I've been good today - all low cal stuff except for some bread this evening with some soup. I need to get my arse in gear and lose weight so I can get pregnant again.

Next year though I think....despite the broodiness I'm too busy to get pregnant at the mo! Monkey Music is taking off....my business with Julie is gaining momentum - we did a lot of work last week and hope to launch in June - watch this space....so a baby wouldn't be easy at the moment (not that I imagine a small baby and a toddler to be easy). I'm lucky that so many friends are pg so I can live vicariously through them, play with their adorable teeny tiny babies and then give them back! That's better I think.

Rambling now aren't I! I wish I could be witty like Poppy or profound like Beege or saucy like Jodi....or interesting like all of the people listed to my right there....ho hum......

I think I'm premenstrual again! Excuse the paragraph of self-pity! LOL! I'm really very happy with my life at the moment.

I'm taking Oz to tumbletots next week and I'm really looking forward to it - he's very athletic - loves to climb things and throws himself off things head first on a regular basis - so hopefully tumbletots will channel that energy in a safe way!

Ok - it's 10pm - I'm going to go in and sit and watch Oscar sleep for a few minutes (a nightly ritual that I love. I hold his little hand if it's near the edge of the crib) Its one of my favourite moments of the day - hearing his little snuffles, sending him sweet dreams.....

Ahhhh - I am premenstrual. Next thing I'll be bawling my eyes out at an andrex ad!

Good night people!

End of another week!

Monkey Music went well yesterday - was much more relaxed this week - so much so I got carried away with my 2s and 3 year olds and veered off my lesson plan - we were being soldiers and they were having such fun marching that I inserted an extra song - which meant I didn't have time to do an end rhyme with them. So I'll be better next week and stick to the plan!

Oscar has been lovely this week - lots of new words like tumble, cupboard, rabbit, buckle. He also recognises pink, blue and black colours.

Spent the day in Dulwich Park as it was sunny (albeit cold). The boy loves to swing!

Wheeee!!!!

The family!

Knitting is going well though I've got even more stitches than when I started....how did that happen?

right - off to cook dinner....

Look what I did!

Ok...so it isn't as impressive as Kirsti's stuff. I'm seriously surprised I managed to do it all on my own (K was going to talk me through it but wasn't answering her phone). Thanks to Knittinghelp.com I watched the video and practised and then cast on! And then knat (is that the right way of saying it?) for three or four rows. I've put a lot of stitches on, I know - which may be stupidly ambitious. I'm aiming for a long scarf for Oscar - possibly for his birthday in August which is how long I think it will take for me to knit a few feet! The wool is red with coloured bits in and I like it.

I got fed up reading about how wonderful knitting is you see - you're all at it! So I'll keep you posted....

THANK YOU again for all the positive comments and reassurance. I do feel so much better about the decision now - the guilt is wearing off. I am really actually excited now! Feeling a lot more confident about class this week - really looking forward to it -and really looking forward to next term when I'll have more classes. Hoorah!

I had haggis for dinner tonight. Don't know why I'm telling you this but thought you'd like to know. It was very nice - a bit spicy for me but I served it with gravy and mash so I could smother the spice a bit. Rob ate it too - despite his pickiness on offal. I didn't tell him the main ingredient was lamb lung. Which is gross if you think about it but it tasted bloody nice and it's all minced up with oatmeal and stuff so you couldn't tell. And it was from Marks & Spencer so it was posh lamb's lung.

I've saved some for Oz for tomorrow! He ate a huge portion of Poppy's spinach pesto lasagne. Remember my culinary boasts here? Well the lamb shanks were disappointing - and expensive - so next time I'll pay a tenner for the ready meal version from M&S. But the spinach lasagne was a big hit - very tasty and made lots so I shall share the recipe which can be found here. Very rich and certainly not low fat/calorie though - I ate too much last night and my gall-bladder free digestive system gave me gyp. Rennies at midnight - yum - so next time I'll eat a smaller portion with some salad instead of gobbling a huge slice.

Right. That's me off to bed. To dream of knitting...

Facing the music

I emailed the Registrar of the University today to tell him I wouldn't be applying for the job. He's a bit taken aback to say the least. "Blimey" is what he wrote. He said he'd get back to me.

I know it's the right decision but I feel so guilty. The Uni has been lovely to me - I've worked for them a lot pre-Oscar and have had 2 jobs post-Oscar from them that I've not done very well - BECAUSE of Oscar - both were working from home and it was just impossible. So for them to have offered me a really good job, really good money and flexible hours - for me to have been talking to them about it since before Christmas and been REALLY keen to take it....to pull out the day before the job is advertised is a bit bad.

In my defence I hadn't applied for it yet so it isn't like I've sat an interview and then pulled out. But I know I'm leaving them in the lurch.

The only thing that made me feel a bit better is a forwarded email I got today quoting Maya Angelou on Oprah - she said

"I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life. I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as "making a life." I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back. I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel".

The ones that lept out at me were I"'ve learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as "making a life." and "I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back."

I'm really bad at saying no to things and making decisions. And I have to do what's right for me. And I think Monkey Music is right. The only thing that could go wrong now is that the MM teaching falls through but I trust my boss and I've told her what I've turned down to take her offer.

I just feel so GUILTY!!! Reassure me please...

Funny you should mention it....

As a few of you have observed in the comments, being offered more Monkey Music, means I won't have to apply for the Uni job. I've been thinking about it, making lists, working out money....

And I've decided (along with Rob) that I am going to take the Monkey Music jobs - childcare might be trickier and I won't earn as much...but I'll have more time with Oz - I'll still earn SOME money which will make a difference. I'll have to research paying my own NI contributions - I haven't had to do that before as my agent used to deduct it for my acting income...however I'll be responsible for it as a MM teacher and will need to get it right so I eventually qualify for maternity allowance if I get pregnant again in the future. I won't be able to take breaks except in the school holidays so holidays (if we ever have them) will be more expensive. I'll probably be less flexible about auditioning and acting jobs (not that I've had an audition in months)

I'm a bit worried that I'm letting the university down - they've been so good to me - however the job isn't being advertised till Monday and I won't apply so I haven't really messed them around too much. And I hope they'll understand.

It's better for me, better for Oscar that I have more time with him. And I love the teaching - it's the closest I can get to performing. And it gives me some mental non-mummy stimulation, enough money to have more fun with Oz, some time away from him for me but still time to hang out with him.

The pros outweigh the cons. I haven't officially told the Uni yet - will ring/email them on Monday - probably email cos I'm a coward! Then I'll talk to my MM boss. I also have big ideas for expansion with MM - Rob keeps saying the pre-school education is the next big thing - government's early years curriculum - museums keen to employ events for pre-schoolers - there's actually a lot of potential.

Plus I'll have time to develop the business idea that Julie and I were working on - the Uni job would have made that more difficult.

I keep justifying it don't I! I'm so crap at making decisions....

On a lighter note I had a lovely time today - Oscar and I went up to Wimbledon to meet Pearl and Sasha and Pippa - Sasha played my daughter in "Everything To Dance For" (which Pearl directed) and Pippa is her real life mummy. It was a very glam lunch - Oscar slept through it so I woke him up at the end so he could play with Sasha and Pippa who haven't seen him for a year. He wasn't too happy about it. But he cheered up eventually. He loved travelling by tram....

One thing I forgot to mention with all the Monkey Music nerves - Oz got his first black eye! I haven't taken any pictures as I'm not sure I want to commemorate it - I was at the gym and he was in the creche - he tripped up and hit his eye on a table. He was very brave though. But it's looking worse each day as the bruising comes out! I'm sure people think I've socked him one....

What else can I burble about. Ah yes - I'm being extra culinary this weekend - inspired by my friend Poppy - I'm marinating 2 lamb shanks in red wine, thyme and rosemary in the fridge overnight and will roast them tomorrow and will also prepare spinach pesto lasagne which Poppy made while I was in Detroit - Oscar ate a lot of it and was seriously impressed so I've bought spinach, ricotta, pesto and noodles and will attempt to follow in Poppy's footsteps - I'll let you know how it goes.

I also have decided to jump on the bandwagon and try and learn to knit. I'm going to buy some needles tomorrow and some wool and start small. I think it will help my weight. (bear with me here) I tend to snack a lot in front of the TV and late at night. On pretzels and biscuits and crap. And if my hands were busy knitting, they wouldn't be stuffing crap into my mouth - I hardly taste it - it's like an automatic pilot thing and I hate it. I've tried not buying any snacks but then I'll make toast or something. I'm a pathetic addict to snacking. So knitting might be something to do in stead. Again - I'll let you know how it goes.

Rob is downstairs watching Kill Bill 2 - I'm not interested. I do admit that I don't like Tarantino - and I know that makes me deeply unfashionable. But I don't. I can watch Pulp Fiction. Have never seen Reservoir Dogs, thought True Romance was ok (Moxie is shouting at her computer screen as she reads this I bet...). Not my kinda movie. Which is why I'm here waffling waffling waffling to the computer in a blah stream of consciousness. I'm going to go and snuggle in bed now with my new book. I get a lie in tomorrow (God I love Sunday mornings) and then we might go to Ikea to let Oscar climb on someone else's furniture and eat meatballs.

Goodnight all!

It went well!!!

Thank you thank you thank you to everyone who left me positive comments and texted me this morning. I swear I could feel the good vibes coming at me from all sides.

It went really well. I was very nervous and got there an hour early (!) typical me - but it meant I had time to set up, accustom myself to the space and do a vocal warm up - though I'll need to do a better one next week as I'm a bit hoarse now! And I must eat breakfast - I didn't and my tummy was louder than my voice in the last class.

The kids were adorable - the little ones were so sweet and the older ones a bit unruly but they all had fun. I made a couple of mistakes - mainly with my cd - I'd burnt a new one and obviously made a mistake with my track listings as I kept cueing up the wrong song. I think I covered it.

Rebecca, my boss, turned up in the second session - I'm really glad I didn't know she was coming as I was nervous enough.

But I just spoke to her and she's begging me to take on 3 more classes. Which can't be a bad sign! I'm trying to work out if it's possible with the job at the University of London and I think it might be - would mean I'd be working 4 days a week instead of 3 though....but it's good money and I think I'll really enjoy both jobs.

Now I've got the first sessions out of the way I'm really looking forward to next week. Thank you again for rooting for me!

Bricking it

My first Monkey Music teaching is on Friday. I've got 3 classes (the 4th only had 2 people in it so they've cancelled it - boo). 2 babies classes and 1 twos and threes. It's the twos and threes that worry me as I've attended the baby classes as a mum and I know what to expect (and I know the songs off by heart already).

The other one is all new.

And I know I'll be fine - I'm a performer etc. etc...it's just first night nerves as it were. Once I've got Friday done, I'll know what to expect.

I keep having anxiety dreams and waking up in the night worrying. Hate it.

So not a long post - I'm off to try and have an early night. I stayed up too late last night on the phone to a stonecutter friend in need in America and was so wired at the end of the conversation I couldn't sleep at all....

My wonderful stonecutter pals are rallying round though - they're such amazing women - and my friend will soon be getting lots of love and help. Hoorah.

Ok - send me positive vibes please! (oh and send some to Moxie too - she is carrying a precious bundle in her belly that needs to stay in there and get comfy)

Argh...I'm so nervous!

"I'd never let MY child behave like that..."

Oscar is now 16 months old - will be 17 months on the 24th. And is starting to exhibit classic toddler tantrums and behaviour. But one thing really gets me.

He's hitting.

Before having Oscar I used to see little kids hitting each other or their parents and think "Oh poor kid must have learnt that behaviour from being hit at home" or "I wouldn't let my child hit me". . .

How wrong I was. I had NO idea.....

Oscar has never been hit, or slapped or spanked or even tapped on the hand. Yet he hits me. Hard.

Yesterday for example we were waiting outside our music class - the previous class was still running and we had to wait but the doors were open and Oz wanted in. He ran in and I scooped him up and out again. And he hit me. Really slapped me in the face. Twice. I could see other mothers looking at me (like I've looked at mothers in a similar position) and I could almost read their minds - "I'd never let my child behave like that..." "that poor child" etc. etc."

I just didn't know what to do. I couldn't put him down because he'd just run in the class. I couldn't ignore the bad behaviour because I was stood in a small hallway outside an open door -again if I took my eyes off him he'd be straight back in there. I squatted down, made eye contact, told him in a lowered serious tone that "we don't hit people"but he just laughed which is his usual response.

He's also exhibiting bad behaviour at home - in particular throwing things (which I know is normal toddler behaviour but I need to tell him not to throw large plastic toys at my head). He does something now and immediately says "no" in a cute little boy voice before I can get in there.

I've watched Supernanny and The House of Tiny Tearaways. I've done what I've seen - got on his level, changed my tone, made eye contact. He just laughs.

So today we instigated the naughty step. I don't think he gets it - we only did it this afternoon and he was on it twice. I had to hold him on it as he wouldn't stay sitting so I did hold him on but didn't look at him or speak. And when the minute was up I explained that it's not nice to hit mummy and he had been naughty.

We'll see. I need to find something to do in public other than eye contact, his level and stern voice. It feels so ineffectual. But I hate it when he hits me in public. It's embarrassing. He's usually so sweet....

So any tips gratefully received. I know this is a very normal stage in his development but it's driving me nuts....

Yawn

Warning - before reading this post be aware that I'm very sleepy and may type absolute bollocks. Normal service will be resumed after sleep.

Thought I should write something as I've been a bit lax on the updating. Rob has been away at a conference in Reading for 3 days - though he's been coming home each night (late). So I've had the boy all day and bedtime routine and it really knackers me out! It's surprising how effective being able to hand over at 6.30pm is. I've missed Rob so much.

And Oz missed his Daddy - hadn't seen him since Wednesday night (due to early leaving and late returning) so he was gleeful when he saw Rob tonight. Kept hugging his head a lot. Cute

Went to the Horniman Museum with my Mum and Oz today as I was running out of ideas - and Oz was running out of patience - he's been very moody recently - all tantrummy and throwing things. The Horniman is wonderful - an eclectic mix of exhibits with a natural history slant. I went there a lot when Oscar was tiny - we spent a lot of time in the Gardens and only wandered in to the museum itself when it was raining. However now he's a bit bigger he loved it - checked the buggy into the cloakroom and let the boy loose. He had a great time wandering around the (slightly creepy) stuffed animal gallery shouting "bird" at the top of his voice (there were a lot of birds). He learnt a new word - Ox - and I attemped to correct him when he identified a Dugong as a fish but hey....he's only 1 6 months old....

In the interactive musical gallery he caused great mirth as he kept banging a drum and then raising the beater in the air and shouting "stop"( - he's learnt this at monkey music - ) and getting pissy with the other kids who didn't know what he was doing and kept playing. I kept getting asked how old he was - most of the other kids were a lot older, and less verbal. I did realise - and this isn't just proud mummy bragging - that his speech is really quite advanced for his age. Either that or all the kids in the museum (and there were MANY) were struck dumb by his good looks.

He also discovered glass today. The doors to the gallery are wooden but bordered with thick glass - Oz kept walking straight into it. Couldn't quite understand that if he could see through it, it didn't necessarily mean he could walk through it. I think he may get it now.

And his other favourite was the open beehive - it has glass sides so you can see the bees (there were many today cos it's so cold and they were inside and dozy). He shouted "bee" a lot and buzzed.

He was doing lots of signing too - the sign for bee, bird, duck, elephant. And saying "listen" a lot too - especially in the music gallery.

He's a star. Though he's exhausted me with the tantrums and temper. It's the beginning, I know, of this stage of his development. Argh!

Ok this post has turned into another mummy brag. Apologies.

One favour you could do me though, kind reader - my friend Jemma has been in hospital - she's only 28 weeks pregnant but has been having braxton hicks and was kept in and medicated to stop early labour. This happened with her first child (who was born a bit early but healthy and fine) so I know she knows the score - but if you could send her positive thoughts/prayers/good wishes/white light - whatever your bag is - I'd be happy. Positive thinking can be a miracle in my opinion.

Thank you. I'm off to bed. I'll be more coherent next time...

Stolen from Jodi and Kell

This could be dangerous but I think it's a fascinating idea

Pinched this idea off Kelly who pinched it off Jodi ...the idea being to write a statement or thought about people who you know read your journal/blog, and perhaps maybe people who you think do...even if you don't comment, you may still be on here...who knows?! There may be one statement about you, or maybe even more. Or there may not be any about you. If you think one of the statements applies to you, feel free to comment, (or email if you prefer), it is entirely up to me whether I choose to tell you though, being my blog and all...


1. I wish you lived closer or I had a teleport machine

2. I miss you

3. I worry about you - you don't seem very happy at the moment even though you pretend to the world that you are.

4. I'm so happy for you - it's such great news!

5. I wish you'd be honest with me and with yourself

6. You are an inspiration to me, especially when it comes to being a mother. You communicate so brilliantly with your child and I always think of you when I'm talking to Oscar.

7. I haven't seen you for too long. I must make the effort to come and see you.

8. You are a really good example of what true love means. Your relationship is so wonderful and you give so much of yourself.

9. You are so outrageous in such a funny way. I wish I could be more like you.

10. I hate the fact that you're hurting at the moment and I'm so angry with the man who broke your heart. I wish I could take the pain away. You deserve better.

11. Where do you get your energy from?

12. You have great tits!

13. You are two faced. I worry what you say about me behind my back and I don't like the way I am with you - I revert to old patterns of behaviour that I thought I'd left behind.

14. You're amazing - I'm so glad I met you.

15. I really want to meet you in real life one day.

16. I'm so glad I did get to meet you last year!

17. You're a brilliant Mother and you inspire me.

18. Thank you for being such a good friend.

19. You're amazing and thought provoking. You're one of the people who has opened my mind to new perspectives and I'll be eternally grateful for that.

20. I love you!

Wow. That was interesting to do! Not sure if I'll reveal who is who and also so many of the statements could be a lot of people. It's a cathartic thing to do though.

Remember - I don't think ANYONE reads this!

Sal x

Oscar's vocab (Proud Mummy Brag warning)

I've been trying to pin down how many words Oscar uses now. He's amazingly verbal - I think he's a genius - my speech therapist sister can agree or disagree (see comments I'm sure) but he says more than most 16 month olds I've met. Here is a list of words he says clearly:

Duck, dog, pig, bird, cow, chicken, lion, spider, cat, bear, roar, miaow, moo, woof, baa, frog, bug, again, no, pop, bum, poo, head, knee, hand, leg, belly, button, mouth, nose, bouncing, bagpuss, bike, plane, car, copter, bus, truck, tractor, boat, flower, bee, tigger, bell, book, baby, sock, shoe, block, shake, cup, spoon, sit, eat, drink, water, yumyum, beans, pea, fish, chocolate, toast, egg, milk, chair, up, down, all gone, uh oh, oh no, wassat, back, ta, come, please, two, hot, clock, sun, beebies (which means turn the telly on mum), night night and bye bye.

He also calls me Mama, calls Rob Dada and calls my Mum GaGa. Even on the phone - he recognises the voices.

That's all we can think of at the moment. So tell me Kirsti? Genius?

Btw....Anne - yes you are Pearl's french friend! Bonjour and merci for reading me (I know you're not French but I'm showing off now)

Back to reality

So the holiday season is kind of over really. Rob goes back to work tomorrow. Normality is resumed. I'm going to miss having him around - and miss having lie ins every other day. Though I won't miss the kids who will be at school - every activity we usually do has been so crowded - looking forward to having Gambado back for the pre-school brigade.

I haven't seen my friends over the holidays and have missed them a lot too! Need to get my social life back in gear.

We took the decorations down today - always a sad thing to do. I love covering the house in glitter and am always sad when it goes away. (though there are always a few decorations that get left up all year round - sparkly fairy in the living room, a glitter ball in the dining room)


So goodbye Santa and sparkle and twinkly lights. What I kept thinking today was "I wonder what Oscar will make of it all next Christmas". He might get it a bit more - I imagine each year is more exciting until you hit puberty.....eek (don't even want to go there)

I had a meeting with my Monkey Music boss today to give me some guidance about lesson plans. I've been getting myself into a panic about it all. I thought I started this week but I have another week to practice. And I can watch her deliver some classes to get a clear idea of structure. I'm feeling ok for doing the classes with children of Oscar's age (I've done them as a parent for a year) but it's the older classes I'm nervous of - not only are the children more responsive (and demanding) but the classes are more complicated with basic music theory being introduced. Most Monkey Music teachers are trained musicians. I am not. I am a trained show off. So I have to do my homework on crotchets and quavers....(not the cheesy crisp, I know)

Here's a pic of Oscar in his funky snowsuit thingy - we got it at Lidl, home of the bargain, for £7.50 and it's fab. He splashed in puddles and fell in mud but was warm and dry inside it. (The pooh bear ears are from his sweatshirt)

Happy 2006!!

I meant to blog yesterday but.....I didn't. No excuse really. I just didn't get round to it! Not that my New Year's Eve was filled with manic partying - Rob and I got to go out for lunch thanks to babysitting GaGa (that's what Oz calls my mother). It was lovely. We mooched around Bromley, bought some books and drank eggnog lattes on a comfy sofa. With no interruptions. Bliss.

We bought fancypants food from M&S for our dinner and I went out and got 2 DVDs. So we saw the New Year in with lamb shanks, roast vegetables, spinach and gruyere dauphinoise potatoes, followed by trifle. And Brad and Angelina in Mr and Mrs Smith and Katie and Christian in Batman Begins. Very satisfying.

We also drank a bottle of champagne and got giggly. Oscar snoozed through the fireworks -there were so many last night that we could see from our front door. Then we went to bed.

I got my period. So that put paid to our other plans. Buggerit.

Ah well. So I talked about resolutions but I can't think of any at the moment. Rob hasn't smoked today....watch this space - I hope to hell he does it this time....

Hope you all had marvellous celebrations in your own style. Hopefully this year I'll write some more guff that you find interesting enough to read. I don't write it enough (because I keep forgetting that people actually read the blathering) but I appreciate you all, all your comments and your stats when I check how many people read me. It's flattering. Especially since I don't consider myself a writer.

Happy New Year!