I emailed the Registrar of the University today to tell him I wouldn't be applying for the job. He's a bit taken aback to say the least. "Blimey" is what he wrote. He said he'd get back to me.
I know it's the right decision but I feel so guilty. The Uni has been lovely to me - I've worked for them a lot pre-Oscar and have had 2 jobs post-Oscar from them that I've not done very well - BECAUSE of Oscar - both were working from home and it was just impossible. So for them to have offered me a really good job, really good money and flexible hours - for me to have been talking to them about it since before Christmas and been REALLY keen to take it....to pull out the day before the job is advertised is a bit bad.
In my defence I hadn't applied for it yet so it isn't like I've sat an interview and then pulled out. But I know I'm leaving them in the lurch.
The only thing that made me feel a bit better is a forwarded email I got today quoting Maya Angelou on Oprah - she said
"I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life. I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as "making a life." I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back. I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel".
The ones that lept out at me were I"'ve learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as "making a life." and "I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back."
I'm really bad at saying no to things and making decisions. And I have to do what's right for me. And I think Monkey Music is right. The only thing that could go wrong now is that the MM teaching falls through but I trust my boss and I've told her what I've turned down to take her offer.
I just feel so GUILTY!!! Reassure me please...
7 comments:
OMG Sall, cant believe you let them down like that! You should be ashamed of yourself. ;)
Na, you done the right thing hun and that quote you sent was magnificent.
xxxxxx
Please please please don't feel guilty! You've got to do what's right for you and Oscar, and they have to understand that. If they don't understand your reasons for not applying, then how understanding would they be if you got the job? They're probably expecting you to be exactly as you were when you last worked for them, pre-Oz, and you're not.
They'll find someone great for the job. Don't worry about that. You're entering yet another new phase of your life, one where you have a job that uses your performing talents and lets you be the kind of mom you want to be. And that's a great thing!
Besides, if you're going to feel guilty, who would you rather feel guilty towards - the uni. or Oz?
Commuting to Central London on the trains and tubes in the cold winter/hot Summer... Central London in the cold winter/ hot Summer... not much time with Oscar... Working in a office while it is sunny outside... doing pointless admin to made up deadlines...
OR
Driving round where you live with the windows down... being able to go the park and sit in the garden... not being stuck in an office... loads of time with Oscar... poncing around singing and playing with stuffed animals for a living... being free to entertain Moxie & Cocoa if they move back down to London...
*grin*
I think you know deep down you've done the right thing - and if the replacement at the Uni is crap they will ask you back at double the money so it's a win win situation :o)
You've made the right choice for you and that is what matters, when you have kids you have to worry much less about letting people down because very often they aren't worrying about you! I'll do the job at the uni if you like!! Anything is better than going back to the civil service, blueugh!
Free all week except wednesday if you want to catch up.
Alx
Imagine that you were to take the job at the Uni, and in six months they needed to make redundancies. You would be the first to go. And they would not think oh no, we can't let her go, she gave up her monkey music career, they'd think, well it's sad but that's the way it goes. And that's what you have to think too.
Look at it this way; you have opened the door of opportunity for some other woman who needs a part time flexible job. You have done a public service today.
Love
Zoe
xx
Zoe, as usual, is 100% correct. I think you've done the just right thing, dear.
Hope you're not worrying as much about the email and your decision now, Sal. You have made the right decision. Stop feeling bad and start thinking about your Monkey Music empire ;o)
Nic
x
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