Not much better

Thank you Zoe, Poppy and Mum - your comments made me feel loved and not so insane. (Zoe I hope I'm not scaring you....since you're about to be a mum of 2!!!! - Your children will be angelic I know. I'm sure A wasn't such a handful as Oz is)

Today was not much better unfortunately. I really don't like spending time with Oscar at the moment - it's not fun. There were some glimmers, some moments of loveliness - rest of the time...same as the weekend.

We went to check out a community pre-school this morning. Oz loved it - in fact I had to drag him out of there. There's a place there for him 5 mornings a week from September. And I really liked it - nothing fancy - just a church hall - but lots of activities in well spaced out areas - children choose what they play. Good Ofsted although it's a few years old. The manager has been there 15 years and seemed lovely. They've got a fun day in a few weeks and we'll go and have a proper play. As I said - had to drag Oz out so he liked it.

Then we went to a play place in Bromley. Unfortunately I'd left my mobile at home so the person I was meeting wasn't sure it was taking place and rang to confirm....then didn't come. So I was on my own. Started off well - lots of toys as well as the play rig so Oz had fun. He peed in the toilet. It was quiet. I had time to have a cup of tea and read the Guardian (Toby asleep). Then Toby woke up and I fed him. Oscar suddenly kept telling me there was poo coming. So I'd put Toby down, take Oz to the toilet, pull his pants down, sit there and he'd say that there wasn't. I'd make him sit for a minute but could hear Toby screaming so returned to him. This happened 3 times. The boy who cried wolf. I pondered telling him that story but I don't think he'll get it....YET.

He then went away. And shat in his pants. Of course he did. So I cleaned him up and we had lunch. Which went ok. Then it was time to leave. And he runs. Hides behind a large Thomas the Tank Engine so I couldn't reach him. Laughed his ass off as I shouted louder and louder for him to get out. Toby screaming again because he's tired. I feel like the screaming fishwife mother from hell shouting at my kid. I finally get him out (with the help of another parent which made me feel even more useless) and put him on the lead and take him home (to shocked looks from all the other parents again - what is it with dog leads?).

They both fell asleep in the car on the way home. I should have left them in there. Cos I got Oscar into bed ok - but Toby woke up. And wouldn't go back to sleep. He finally did.....at 3.30 when Oscar woke up.

The afternoon began well - Oz was happy playing with his cars...listening to Baby Einstein CD....had a really good dinner - ate 6 sausages - chipolatas, not kid sized - and I gave him jelly for pudding. He peed in the potty. We had a tickle fight on the sofa. We read books.

Then I started feeding Toby. Sound familiar? He jumped on my back (I was sitting on the floor). He kept doing it. I asked him nicely to stop. I told him it hurt mummy. Did he want to hurt mummy? Yes he says - and proceeds to kick, pinch and scratch me. Laughing.

It's like he's possessed. I held him tight to stop him (he was thrashing around when I tried to get him to look me in the eye). I told him that was nasty behaviour and I wasn't having it. Rob was home but in the shed - I called him in and he reiterated it and took Oscar's bedtime privileges away. No story. No toys in the bath. No poem.

That seemed to calm him. He kept saying "naughty boys don't have toys/story/fun". Maybe that's what it was about - push and push until the punishment is there and he feels safe.

By God he's being difficult. Nursery in the morning tomorrow. And Mum coming in the afternoon and to help with bedtime. So it won't be as bad.

I hate to say what I wrote before. That I don't enjoy spending time with him. I know he's jealous of his brother. I know he's finding potty training difficult. I know he's 2. And I'll love him till my heart stops beating. But I really didn't like him for a large portion of the day.