Up and down and stress

So.....a new school term has started and the Summer hols are officially over. Well kind of. Toby doesn't start nursery at the School until the 27th which is a pain in the ARSE! My lovely friend Clare has been looking after him this morning so I could teach and he now goes to Blooming Kids nursery on a Monday all day....(more about that in a mo) but until the 27th he's with me all day which means I can't teach on a Friday and it's just a pain. Can't get back into my normal routine.

Oz started Year 2 yesterday and he loves it. He was so excited to go back which I was so happy about - there were more than a few tearful children on the playground yesterday and I kept hearing "but I hate school" from other kids - Oscar LOVES his school, was totally excited about starting Year 2 with a new teacher and couldn't wait to go back again this morning. His reading has really improved- he's finally starting to read for pleasure at home, and it really showed when he brought home his reading books - a lot more advanced than the Year 1 ones (obviously) but he's reading them with ease and I'm proud.

I'm starting a new job this term as well - with Little Bubbles Outreach, a company I'm starting with another Claire - we've succesfully bid to deliver EYFS and KS1 science workshops at the National Maritime. And before you scream nepotism, the bid was put in under Little Bubbles outreach and no one knew I was married to Rob who works there. All above board. I've written two shows in collaboration with Claire and her husband Daniel has composed original music. Between the three of us we've written 2 songs for the KS1 workshop and I've thoroughly loved learning how to do that. But I'm really nervous. And stressing about delivering it. I'll be running the workshops initially with the idea that we'll employ a workshop leader to do it once the shows are up and running. They'll evolve and be tweaked until I'm happy to hand them over so I'm doing it all at the beginning. And although I do this every week at the Limelight, the pressure of delivering it on behalf of the museum (who happens to employ my husband who I don't want to let down) and of doing a more narrative show than I'm used to....it's mounting up.

I seem to have permanent butterflies in my stomach and that strange feeling of dread without any actual thing to be panicking about apart from the show.....and other stuff......

Had some very sad news today that the mother of a friend passed away. This friend used to be like my sister - we were very close but have drifted apart as life got in the way. However I knew her mother very well and loved her a lot - she was one of a kind, a wonderful, slightly batty lady who I will miss very much. She had cancer and I'm glad she's not in pain anymore but the world seems a slightly greyer place without her vivacious soul in it.

I'm also missing a close friend - she's decided to withdraw from the worldwide web for a while...which is cool - but I'm used to "seeing" her every day on Facebook, doing regular webcams, chatting etc.....and she isn't picking up her phone either. I'm sure all is well - she's just focusing on quality time with her family and not the time suckage that is online life....but I miss her. Another part of my life that's a bit grey at the moment (so if you're reading this - you know who you are - I'm getting withdrawal symptoms!). I also worry about her - she's got a lot on her plate and I hope she hasn't cut herself off from her support network of friends. I don't know what I'd do without things like Facebook or this blog - getting feedback from friends really helps me put my life in perspective when things get tough or tiring or stressful or even good....

And my leg. My bloody ankle is still bloody actually - still not healed. The infection is finally gone but the wound itself isn't healing. I do have a photo - it's hard to explain - but don't know if you really want to see it dear reader - leave me a comment and if enough people can stomach it I'll post it. Basically the scar opened a bit - a stitch came unstitched and there's a round sort of hole, filled with slough (which is dead skin) which just won't budge. The nurse at the hospital who was dressing it twice a week would dab at it every time but it wouldn't move. I've been discharged to my GP who just scrubbed at it with a bit of wet cotton wool (OUCH) but it still didn't move. So it's yellowy and horrible and not healing or scabbing. And I haven't been able to soak it or wash my foot properly SINCE THE SEVENTH OF JULY!!! FFS!! I just want it to heal. I asked if it was better to leave a dressing off it to let it dry up but the doc said that would make it worse.

I was planning to go back to Ballet class tonight - even if I wasn't at full strength I thought it would be lovely. But the doctor said not to - to let it heal properly. I wish it bloody would.....

I think they should re-stitch it......I've got to go back on Monday and will ask the nurse then if that's an option.....just fed up with limping and pain and swollen foot. I can only wear one pair of sandals that go over the dressing - open toes - NOT ideal for the rainy weather....

Oh it's just all on top of me today.......

On a plus side - Toby went to his day nursery this Monday for the first time and behaved beautifully. And he was really good for Clare too. And his behaviour recently has been much calmer and better. AND he's completely potty trained - we're even making the move to night time without nappies in the next few days (once we've run out of the pyjama pants we bought a while ago I'm not planning on buying anymore).

Today also - must share this - Oscar had his first Level 4 swimming lesson after school. We were talking before about where this would happen - in Levels 1-3 they stayed in the small baby pool but occasionally went in the big pool. Level 4 is ALL in the big pool and it totally freaked Oscar out. He started crying and wouldn't get in the water. The teacher tried to deal with him but then called me over. Oz was in a right state - was sure he'd sink. The lesson was to hold a float in their arms and either just kick or do alternate stroking with one arm at a time, one arm on the float. Oscar was convinced that either the float would pull him down to the bottom of the pool or that without using both arms, he'd sink. He was really really in a state - wouldn't calm down. I told him we'd go and get dressed (I thought if we went swimming this weekend, Rob could take him in the deep end and give him a confidence boost - though that would be difficult as I can't swim with my leg still in dressings...ANYWAY....) But he didn't want to get out. He wanted to swim but he was terrified. And he really was - shaking and crying....

Again I told him that he would definitely be safe, that he wouldn't sink, that he had been in the big pool lots of times and swum lengths before....(he hasnt' swum in the big pool since last term - think he's forgotten). I also said he didn't HAVE to get in - that we could go home, calm down, and try again next week. He was ADAMANT that he didn't want to get out. So eventually he went back. And sat on the side of the pool again with his class. They all got in and started to swim. He wasn't sure. But then he got in. And swam a length. And turned around and shouted "Mummy I did it" when he got to the deep end, turned around and swam a length back.

I was so proud of him. He was totally scared. And he faced his fear and did it anyway. He was very emotional when the lesson ended. I told him how proud I was of him and what a star he was and he burst into tears again. But he said he isn't scared anymore. And I'm sure next week he'll be fine. I never considered how different it would be for him not starting in the shallow baby pool. It's a big step I suppose and if I'd have realised we would have had a long chat about it before hand...

But he did it anyway. We were talking about it while getting dressed and he said how much harder it was. And I explained that as you advance at things, you have to work harder to master them. How as you grow up things can get tougher sometimes, but if you persevere and are brave, like he was today, and keep trying....then you move forward and succeed. Life lessons - at SIX! My baby boy is growing up fast.....and growing up to be quite something

So there you go - an up and down and mixedupemotionalallovertheplace post.....like my day today. Don't know which was is up today......Rob should be home any minute, will put the boys to bed and I won't be far behind.

So to my lovely friend who passed away - rest in painless peace - you are missed....and to my hibernating friend - I hope you're peaceful but want you back in my life asap please.....