Help me dear readers....

First of all - hello! My friend Pearl actually rang me today to check up on me cos I haven't blogged for a few days! Its just hard to find a minute! We've all been ill - horrible colds that haven't gone away. Toby and I have still got a nasty cough - took him to the docs today to listen to his chest - she also insisted on listening to mine and whacked ME on antibiotics as I'm the one with the infection - the baby is fine!

BIG thank you to the lovely Ursula, who is now known as the book fairy in our house! She's always supplied Oscar with magical books that he loves and has now sent both boys a treat - though Oscar has purloined Toby's book I'm afraid...I'm going to get it off him when he's not looking and put it away! So thank you Ursi - ring me and please let's meet up soon!

Have started putting Toby to bed at the same time as Oscar - Rob does Oz, I do Tobes...it's lovely but I can't work out when to cook dinner....any ideas? Rob gets home from work around 6.15 ish - Oz has his bath at 7 so I've been going to put Toby down at that time too but it means I can't cook until around 7.45 so we don't eat until 8.30 usually which is a bit late...and I can't work out how else to do it so ideas from you are useful.

Second thing you can help me with - I've always made music a big part of bedtime. When Oz was a baby he had a CD for bathtime and then a bedtime lullaby CD compilation that I made. I've been using the same lullaby one for Toby but I'm a bit bored of it and it isn't ideal - some songs are perfect, some aren't.

So challenge for you - suggest some nice bedtime lullaby type music. Doesn't have to be a kid's lullaby as such - keepers on the current CD are:

• Go To Sleep Little Baby (from Brother Where Art Thou)
• Baby Mine (From Dumbo - Alison Krauss version)
• Wonderful Baby (Don McLean)
• River Lullaby (From Prince of Egypt Disney Film)
• Child of Mine (Carole King)
• Dream a Little Dream (Mine and Rob's "song" - Mamas and Papas)
• Gold (Stevie Wonder - from The Outsiders)
• Hushabye Mountain (Dick Van Dyke)
• St Judy's Comet (Paul Simon)

I've got a couple of Louis Armstrong songs on the current mix that I love - particularly Kiss to Build A Dream On - but it's got a super loud trumpet solo in the middle - not so appropriate for lulling a baby to sleep!

Tell me your favourite sleepy songs - and I'll burn Toby his own compilation this weekend.

Ok - dinner tonight is chips from the chipshop - I'm so healthy....and then a bubble bath methinks as baby boy should stay asleep until at least midnight. (Last night he was awake after midnight every hour....his cough woke him and so I had a rough night. Early night for me!)

Look forward to hearing your ideas chums!

Yes ok...I'm a natural blonde

I meant 60 CENTIMETRES....I've never been good with measurements......

Doh!!!

Toby the Porker

Just a quickie - results of the six week check - all is well with both of us (though I was told I was overdoing it a bit - no shock there then.)

Toby is now 12lbs 3oz. 3 weeks ago he was 9lbs so he's putting on about a pound a week which for a breastfed baby is fantastic. I knew he was feeding a lot but blimey! He's 60 inches long too - can't remember if that's similar to Oz at that age or not...

But all is well. Calm day. Bliss. I'm starting potty training tomorrow on recommendation from the nursery - so tomorrows entry may not be so chilled!

Just got this in an email

from Mumsnet - very appropriate so I thought I'd share it for all my friends with 2 year olds....

Two and a half is a distinctive age for one reason - it can be the age of negativism. While this sounds deeply unattractive, it is usually over by three and arguably its more unpleasant for your bewildered child than it is for you.

How he behaves: Negatively. He may have shown signs of resistance and stroppiness before the age of two, but at two and a half, he develops an attitude with a vengeance. He likes to follow his rituals and do things his way and is furious if you interrupt him. Sometimes he doesn't know what he wants to do but knows it isn't anything you've got on offer, even, incredibly, the park or an ice cream. It's hard to make him happy although funnily enough there is a sense of humour lurking - due to emerge closer to three.

You can feel that you are in a permanent state of war with your little two and a half year old, while he is trying to decide how to live his life (somewhat prematurely as it turns out) you are trying to fathom out just what on earth his problem is.

The trick is to be completely saintly yourself. Poor love, he doesn't like making himself or you unhappy. He's not really a manipulative, selfish little beast. Set aside enough time for him to try to dress himself, feed himself and bath himself without urging him to get a move on. My dad always told me that if I got into a confrontation with my children - I'd already lost the battle. Pick your fights, otherwise you'll be scrapping all day.

I've printed it off. Will stick it to the kitchen noticeboard to remind myself....

Another Shitty Monday

Ah the joys of having a two and a half year old......A very rough day yesterday. Started ok - Rob got Oscar up and dressed for me which is always a relief.....

We had a lovely day planned - a morning at the best soft play place Gambado with three of his little friends - Frank and Sam and also Elijah - son of Louise who used to childmind Oscar when I did Monkey Music. Oz and Elijah used to see eachother four times a week and do really miss eachother - they haven't seen eachother for about 2 months....so I thought Oz would be really happy to go. Afternoon we were invited to Liz's house for tea. Hoorah - one less thing for me to worry about.

I got Toby in the car....and Oz refused to put his coat on and get out the door. He threw the mother of all tantrums. I asked him if he wanted to stay at home and go to bed - he said he did - stupid me for asking cos there was no way I wanted to stay in with a grumpy kid.....I almost dragged him to the car - he screamed all the way there.

When we got there we were the first - and luckily Oscar's mood totally switched so I had a chance to grab a coffee and a flapjack which was hot out of the oven - that was the best bit of the day. Others arrived and Oscar and Elijah went mental with eachother - dashing around....hyper and manic.

Poor Sam and Frank were left in the dust. I managed to have a good chat with my Mum friends - then came lunch.....I ordered Oz sausages, chips and beans - his usual favourite. He wasn't interested. He sat in his chair shaking his head from side to side manically. And then banged his chin on the chair.......where he'd cut it last week.

It must have really hurt. He cried a lot. I was feeding Toby at the time - had to give him to Liz to hold and comfort Oz. The cut had opened up again. It was bleeding. I didn't know what to do. The hospital had said to bring him back in if that happened and they'd reglue it. I couldn't imagine getting them both to Casualty on my own - especially since Oscar was hyped up and knackered....

But I did. Had a fight getting Oscar out of Gambado....they both cried all the way to the Hospital. No parking place any where near which is what I dreaded....so we had to walk - Oscar wanted me to carry him - impossible. Took 10 minutes of crying to get in the place. Queued for ages. Told to go home as they wouldn't reglue it as it had been too long.

TOTAL WASTE OF FUCKING TIME

So ten minutes of wailing back to the car. Got home. It was 2.30 (Oz usually sleeps at 1). He was exhausted. I was so wound up. Toby was screaming for a feed. Oz slept, I fed Toby and resisted the urge to go out for a drive on my own to buy cigarettes and leave them both alone in the house.

Had to wake Oz up after an hour or he wouldn't have gone to bed last night. You can imagine how that went down. Then it took half an hour to get him in the car. He didn't want to wear his coat. So we went outside and I locked up and he threw himself on the floor screaming for his coat. So I went in and got it. He didn't want it again. I had to throw him in the car practically (and my scar is hurting because of that).

Got to Liz's at about4.15 - insane traffic and loads of roadworks everywhere (I hate this time of year when councils use their fucking budgets up by digging up roads for no reason). I was so stressed - like a spring in my head coiled really tight. Oh yeah - forgot to mention - have a stinking cold again.....

Oz was quite naughty at Liz's. Wouldn't eat any dinner. Wouldn't get in the car to go home. Thank god Rob was home when I got there cos I wouldn't have lasted any longer.

Rob was angelic...while I fed Toby (who was making up for getting interrupted feeds all day by feeding CONSTANTLY last night) he made me dinner - an interesting concotion - chicken and ham fried with onions and tomato sauce and marmalade....served with pasta. It was actually quite tasty (Rob likes to create in the kitchen when he rarely cooks). Then he ran me a bath and made me shut the door so I couldn't hear Toby screaming for more milk. Then I managed to get Toby down and was in bed for 10.

Toby woke 4 times last night - 2 times he wasn't actually awake - he was doing his grunting routine - so when I put him to the boob he sucked about twice and fell asleep again. I must wait a bit more before going in to him....

Anyway - Oz is at nursery all day. Toby and I have our 6 week check this afternoon. I've ranted here and feel much better.

Main regret from yesterday - Moxie rang me, I was out. I rang back she was washing her hair, she rang back and I was on the phone then out for the day...and last night I was in no fit state to talk to anyone even though I'm desperate to hear how she and Roxabella are....So Mox - sorry - I tried to ring you this morning but didn't let it ring for long in case you were asleep. I'm out and about a lot today but will ring you I promise. Hope your day was better than mine and that you, CF and Roxie are settling in at home as a family.

Moxie's baby is here!!!

I just got a phone call from a very happy but tired Mummy Moxie....her baby girl arrived at 10.15pm last night after a very eventful labour - I'll let her tell the story but basically mother and baby girl are doing very well. She's 8lbs 1 and supposedly has lots of hair and is totally beautiful.

I don't want to tell you more cos it's Moxie's story to tell and to introduce her to you all properly....but she wanted you all to know that she made it - did labour on gas and air and nothing else - she's a star and her and CF are totally in love with their daughter.

WELCOME TO THE WORLD BABY GIRL!!!!

Oscar's first scar

We just got back from Casualty....Oscar was jumping in the bath and slipped - banged his chin on the edge of the bath and it cut open. Really deep. About 1cm long.

After a 2 hour wait they used glue to join it back together again. We had to hold him down - both Rob and I - while they did it. Again I was in tears.....

I better get used to it with 2 boys...but it breaks your heart. He was so brave bless him......

I was supposed to be out with the girls at my fave Japanese Restaurant....ah well. Best laid plans and all...

Still no news on Moxie btw......I'm off to bed now so will post in the morning if when I hear, if I hear. Spookily enough my friend Nicky who isn't due for 2 weeks went into labour this morning and had her girl by lunchtime (it's her second). My heart aches for Mox - hope she's pushing that little girl out right now.

Quick Moxie update

I know you're all on tenterhooks. She texted me this morning - still no baby. They were going to give her another round of pessaries this morning and then break her waters.....

So maybe today......She said she was upset last night but more positive and strong today.

Send her your love people!

Getting better....

the last two nights haven't been as bad....no more colic. Yesterday afternoon though was tough - limpet baby - screaming if I put him down - he'd been really easy all morning - well he'd been asleep for most of it.....

All I can think about today is Moxie - she's being induced this morning...about an hour ago they would have started.....so I hope she meets her little girl today or early tomorrow. Send all your vibes up to Scotland for her...

I didn't expect Rob to bother with Valentines today - I've ordered him a giant Millie's Cookie in the shape of a heart - going to get it in a mo - but I came downstairs to a vase of roses, a heart helium balloon and a card with the most romantically beautiful things written in it. I'm a lucky girl........hope he likes the cookie!

Ok - off to get some tea while Toby watches Frasier....(I'm such a goodmum). Oh and thank you for your lovely comments on the last post - really nice to hear - you all make me feel so much better. Again...lucky girl.

Hardest night yet....

Oh it's not getting any easier...

Had a nice weekend. I made a fantastic recipe (so proud of myself that I had the time to do it - took a bit of juggling of Toby with cooking utensils but I managed to cook). It's called Magic Chicken and I saw Jo Wood make it on This Morning...here (a la Jemma) is the recipe.

INGREDIENTS
1 chicken breast, cut into about a dozen cubes, 3 tbsp maple syrup, 2 garlic cloves, peeled and finely chopped, 1 medium egg yolk, lightly beaten, 250g plain flour, pinch garlic salt, salt and freshly ground black pepper, 3 tbsp olive oil.

METHOD
Place the diced chicken in a bowl and add the maple syrup, garlic and egg yolk. Leave for an hour to marinate. Place flour, garlic salt, salt and pepper and mixed herbs in a large bowl. Dip the marinated chicken cubes in the flour, making sure that the surface of the chicken is completely coated with the flour. Heat the olive oil in a frying pan and, when hot, add the chicken and fry until golden brown. Serve with pasta and creamed corn.

Oscar has been really fussy with food recently but he ate a whole chicken breast's worth of these.... I didn't measure - just slopped some maple syrup and an egg yolk (and cheated and used garlic puree as I didn't have any cloves). Same with the flour - didn'r measure it - it was easy as pie.

So that was nice. Oscar has a cold again though. And by Saturday evening it became apparent that Toby had a touch of it too - very snotty nose. So Saturday night was long - took a long time to feed him as he couldn't breathe properly and he was doing half feeds - dropping off to sleep cos it was so much effort to suck, then waking up an hour later for the second half. So I was knackered.

Sunday was a good day - I aimed to go to bed early to make sure I was fully rested for Monday with the boys.....

At 7pm last night Toby started to scream - pull off the breast and really scream - wind. I assume. He kept doing this.....screaming really high and loud, pull his knees up to his chest. Nothing seemed to settle him.

Guess what time he finally settled down to sleep?

4am. Yup. 4am. From 7pm to 4am I was jiggling him, giving him gripe water, rocking him, letting him suck as much as he could cos that soothed him for a moment.

He'd sleep for maybe 10 minutes.....then wake up screaming again.

Rob took over for an hour around 11 so I slept for about 30 minutes. Then at 4 I took Toby into our bed and he fell asleep fitfully until around 6am. Also Oscar was coughing all night - really nasty wet cough.

I woke up soaking wet......he hadn't been able to feed properly cos of the colic so I had two cannonballs in my bra. Which had leaked all over the sheets. I was in agony. Toby was still asleep but I woke him up and desperately tried to get him to relieve the pressure! I'd forgotten how painful engorgement is.

So - Monday comes around - me and Oz and Tobes....and I've had 2 hours sleep. ARGGGGHHHH!

But - funnily enough it wasn't as bad as last week. I was so tired I was almost more awake than when I've had say four or five hours sleep. We met a friend at the soft play place (I'd forgotten it is half term though - it was fucking mental in there) then got home with only minor temper tantrums. I took the boys to the doctor to check Oscar's chest and just look at Toby (I read on all the baby websites that if your under 3 month old has a cold you should get them checked).

Doc thinks Oz might have asthma which isn't briliant - or it might be just triggered off by his cold. We'll have to wait and see.

Oz wouldn't eat lunch but went down for a nap. Toby had a good feed (though my boobs were still too full and tender) and slept too so I had an hour and a half nap.

This afternoon (I'm insane) I took them both to the supermarket and it also wasn't too bad. Oz only hit meltdown at around 5.30 and Rob was home an hour later.....

So.....I survived. Better than last week on less sleep. It was hard to keep my patience but I didn't lost the plot. I ignored bad behaviour and walked away when Oz refused to come with me so he quickly followed.

I just had a nescafe home-made packet latte and a custard slice. My treat from the supermarket. Toby is snoozing in his swing having just finally emptied my boobs (so much better). Oz is upstairs having his bath with Rob. I feel slightly human....I'm having ultimate comfort food for dinner - sausage and mash with American white sausage gravy. I've dosed Toby with Dentinox colic drops....

I'm terrified it will be a repeat performance tonight but it's twenty past seven at the mo and he's quiet.....

I'll let you know. (wow that's a long post)

Confessions of a BAD mother....

I'm naughty. Tomorrow I've got Oz in nursery ALL day instead of the half day. My reason?

So I can go to the cinema with Toby! The Big Scream is something I used to do with Oz all the time - it's a special screening for mums and babies under 1 at picturehouse cinemas. I went a lot but it used to be in Brixton which was a treck for us...now they do it at Greenwich, where Rob works - 10 minute drive way and plenty of parking.

BUT - it's at 11.30 on a Friday. I have to pick Oz up at 1pm on a Friday...so it means I can't go normally.

BUT...sod it. I've had a tough week. Dreamgirls is on and I really want to see it. And I miss the cinema. So I'm going. Ya boo sucks to being a perfectly lovely mummy.

Reality HITS

So....blogger is working again thank God - I still can't post on Vox (or even comment so those people whose blogs I read - I'm still reading - honest!)

Was desperate to get here yesterday and rant...now I'll be calmer.....

Monday. My first day alone with both boys and no nursery. ARGHHHHH!!! I now realise I've been living in cloud cuckoo land for the last 4 weeks. Having Rob for 3 weeks....having Oz in nursery every day. I had NO idea what it was REALLY like to have 2 children....and now I do. Oh yes. I do.

It was hell! Absolutely. How do you do it oh mothers of multiples? I know - I'll get the hang of it eventually but blimey. It was tough.

It was the first time Oscar had to deal with the fact that Toby feeds for bloody ages. And there's no one else around to distract him. So Oz was jumping on me...trying to pull Toby off....purposely doing things he knows he shouldn't like climbing on Toby's baby bjorn chair to try and make me get up and put Toby down. And I was so sleepy cos I had had to get up instead of being allowed by my amazing hubby to go back to sleep after the 6am feed while he takes Oz to nursery.

We were meeting a friend at a soft play place at 10 - it didn't open till 10 - and those first few hours from when Rob left at 8 to leaving the house at 9.50 where tough. Once we got to the playplace it was fine.

Leaving however was not easy. And Oz wouldn't get in the carseat and was jumping around the inside of the car....while Toby and I shivered outside. I just slammed the doors and ignored him. He eventually did what he was told.

Then trying to get Oscar's lunch together while Toby SCREAMED for a feed and Oz had a tantrum cos he didn't want what I was cooking. Then he wouldn't eat it. At this point I was starving cos I hadn't eaten yet, I was having an internal argument with myself over whether I should go to sleep at lunchtime or eat.....I tried to get Oscar up the stairs for his nap - again Toby was screaming - and that turned into a fight.

I can see why people think they turn into screamy mummies when they have 2 cos I spent most of the morning telling Oscar off. He did go for his nap. And I managed to cook myself the nutritious lunch of crispy pancakes while feeding Toby and then we both slept for an hour.

The afternoon wasn't too bad. My friend from the morning was going to come round with her 2 kids but I cancelled - couldn't cope with the thought of it and the house looked like a bombsite and I had no idea how I could tidy up, make tea and cope with 2 two year olds and a 7 month old and have a conversation without crying or jibbering.

So Oz coloured lots of pictures I printed off Cbeebies website. And Toby fed. And fed some more. And I managed to boil the kettle though didn't manage to make a cup of tea....

It'll get easier. That was the first day. And I also appreciate it was tough on Oscar cos that was the first day he didn't have anyone else to give him attention and he had to share me. And soon Toby won't feed ALL the bloody time.....I hope.

So from now on, like the boomtown rats, I don't like Mondays....

Today has been bliss. Woke up at 8.30. Have pottered around, done a wash, blogged, checked my email.......

Let's see how tomorrow goes - Oz is at nursery in the morning.

Not so happy today (Sunday's entry delayed by crappy blogger not working all day )

Have had 2 nightmare nights with Toby in a row. He slept nearly all day on Friday so I knew it would happen. Friday was a good day - Oz had a sleepover at Mums so Rob and I went out to dinner! With Toby - to my favourite Japanese restaurant Sapporo. It's got sunken tables so we were sitting on the floor with our legs in the sunken bit with Toby right next to us. Very lovely. He slept all the way through the meal then got home and woke up. Of course. He was awake a lot and doing half feeds - he'd fall asleep on the boob and everything I did to wake him up didn't work. So as soon as I put him back in his basket, lay down myself and closed my eyes he'd be awake again. Every hour and a half al l night.

Yesterday was a shit day. I got up and got Toby ready to go to the Dulwich NCT sale - hit appalling traffic on the way there so spent 45 minutes stewing....got to the church hall only to see the biggest queue I've ever seen - right round the block -just to get in. And the sale had been open for half an hour. There was no point. I'd have been waiting for about an hour just to get in the door and god knows how you'd have seen anything in the hall itself if it was that busy. I was really pissed off. An hour of driving for nowt.

So continued to drive to Mum's to pick up Oscar. More appalling traffic. By the time I got home I'd been driving for 2 hours and was exhausted from lack of sleep. Tried to nap. Toby didn't cooperate. He'd do the same as he'd done the night before except it was every 30 minutes.....

So last night I was knackered. I went to bed early - was asleep by 10 - as was the baby.....he woke up at 11 and was awake until 4am. Yup. I fed him almost constantly for 2 hours. I sat holding a dummy in his gummy gob. I rocked him. I ignored him for a while. He finally went off at 4 (I was in tears at this point, didn't know my arse from my elbow I was so tired). I gratefully collapsed into bed....only for him to wake at 5, at 6 and then at 7.....by which time I was going slightly mad.

Luckily it's Sunday today so Rob is here. So I went back to bed and slept from 8 till 11 with Toby sleeping on my chest. So I feel a bit more sane now.....if this happens again tonight I'm screwed cos Rob is obviously at work tomorrow and I have Oscar all day as well - no more Monday nursery.....Oz is being his usual schizo self...crying because his toy towtruck has a hook on the back and he doesn't like it. Insisting he doesn't like his dinner then screaming if you take it away......2 year olds are insane.

So there you go - all my "I'm loving having a baby" posts are gone by the wayside this weekend. I've joined the "I'm exhausted and don't think I can do this anymore" club like nearly everyone else I know with two children or more!

I found the camera!

I decanted Toby from the towel and put him in the baby bjorn to get some sunlight. He's quite fascinated by the garden! Still a bit yellow as you can see!

Here's a shot of Oz and Rob too...

Thursday

Hello! Not posted much this week have I...still haven't found the bloody camera.....will have another look today.

So - I'm really enjoying this week - nice and quiet with Oz at nursery and time for me and Toby to bond and relax....and go out a lot! He's such a sweet baby at the moment. He rarely cries...he's starting to settle more at night.

Night before last he went to sleep at 11 and I had to wake him at 4.30am to feed as my boobs were about to burst! That's the longest he's slept and therefore I've slept since he was born. He feeds constantly in the evenings - from about 9 till 11 if I'd let him - but I don't mind (although my nipples get a bit sore). It's a technique I wanted to do anyway - the Baby Whisperer recommends it - tanking them up! Feed em like mad in the evening and they'll sleep better. It worked the night before last - last night wasn't as good but he still only woke twice and went straight back to sleep after an hour of sucking. He does take so much longer than Oscar ever did!

We went to Bromley yesterday - wandered around - I bought a bluetooth headset for my phone and got a coffee in Starbucks. He was admired by several old ladies, two of whom thought he was a girl (should I worry?).

I'm really loving this time. Next week will be more chaotic as I'll have Oscar part of the time as he goes back to his nursery normal days. (all day Tuesday, Weds-Fri mornings).

Right - should go give my son attention - he's been lying happily on a towel on the kitchen counter for nearly an hour! I made breakfast, did a wash, finished all the 8 things about you comments, emailed and did this....I should go and cuddle him!