Comments...

I love it when people comment on my blog. And I'm working on the 7 answers below - check the comments out for my replies - have nearly done everyone.

Just had to share a very funny thing I was emailed about comments - go look at this - the article itself isn't that interesting...but read the comments.....

Blog problems

I kept trying and trying to post over the weekend with no luck (apart from that testing one!). I'm hoping this one will work....

Had a lovely day on Saturday as Jemma and family came to play - brought us a ton of yummy food, good music, good company! Jem taught me how to wear my sling properly which was a godsend. I wrote a whole entry about it but lost it twice....so I'm hoping Jemma will write some on her blog.

Have discovered a new favourite song - Grace Kelly by Mika - all of us have been bopping round the kitchen to it. LOVE it.

Today Rob is at work and Oz is at nursery and it's just me and Toby - very calm and peaceful (though we had a rotten night - he was up every hour and a half). Midwife has just discharged us- Toby has put on a pound in a week! He was 8lbs1 last Monday but 9lbs today. Hoorah for my boobs - obviously doing what they oughta.

I daren't write any more in case it doesn't work and I'll have lost it all again.......will now go and try and answer comments on the it's all about you post.....fingers crossed!

Testing....

I haven't been able to post since yesterday...so this is a test...

I should have posted this over on vox

But for some reason I can't! It won't let me create a new post...so I'm putting it here - and probably introducing it to some people who haven't seen it....

This one is actually kind of fun, but be prepared to fulfil item 8 on the list.

If you comment on this post:

1. I'll respond with a random thought I have about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me (or so we think).
5. I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what intoxicant you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your blog.

Hee hee - Moxie did this for me - fabulous as always....so go ahead and I'll try and be original (remember I'm lactating so I'm not very quick on the brain front at the mo...)

Last days of laziness

Rob has been amazing this time around. He's had 3 weeks off and has done so much - everything from housework to Oscar time to bathing Toby....and still found time to play with photoshop (remember how he made Oscar into Yoda and Gizmo?)

He's always saying Toby is a little gnome - especially when he's wearing his strawberry hat! Anyway - yes - Rob is going back to work on Monday and I'll be on my own! EEK! He's still going to get Oz to nursery though which is a huge help...week after that will be my turn and that will be the challenge - to get all three of us out into the car - I may be dropping him off in my dressing gown I think!

All is well here. Still enjoying the new baby bliss. He's still gingerskinned (but his hair is definitely blonder than Oscar's) and the midwife will be here on Monday to hopefully discharge him. I'm feeling fab - had a lovely day in Bromley with Rob on Tuesday - wandering in shops, spending some money (now my maternity allowance is being paid I have a small income again!), getting some good nursing bras (my ones from Oscar were knackered and gave me seriously droopy boobs). Toby is feeding for less time at night now and settling down quicker. And I suppose I'm getting used to the interrupted nights. Oz is teething which is horrible - he's finally cutting his back molars so is also awake at nights.....so I go from one room to the other!

Jemma and family are coming over on Saturday - very excited. And anyone else in the vicinity - come visit me next week please!

Big love to everyone - will try and be more online next week too and catch up with people on msn.

Our first trip to A&E...

and not for Oz - Toby. You may have noticed from the pictures that he looks a bit like a WAG - fake bake tan I mean....he's had jaundice since we got discharged from hospital. And it hasn't been getting any better.

Today the midwife came - to discharge him - but when she saw his yellow tinge, asked us to take him to Casualty to get a blood test to rule out any liver problem or secondary infection. So off we went in the cold - I drove (yes I know I'm not supposed to but there was no other way) while Mum came over to look after Oscar.

It was awful. Just being back in the hospital I left so jubilantly 2 weeks ago. We were sent through to the children's A&E and seen very quickly. They took his temp and resps, felt his tummy and we noticed that he had an infected big toe - looks like a little green spot under his toenail and the toe itself was red - but poking it didn't seem to bother him! I hadn't noticed it before as he's rarely naked for long enough....that wasn't causing the jaundice obviously but I'm glad we noticed it when we did.

Then came the blood test. I was expecting a heel prick again. But no. They put a big fat needle canula in the back of his hand...and then squeezed and squeezed his whole arm trying to pump blood out - enough for 2 little vials - a definite armful. Toby screamed in my arms - bright red and fighting - when he was screaming the bloodflow was slow, so I kept trying to shush him and rock him and breastfeed him. I was in tears too - it was awful. I may be over-reacting but I hated every second.

Then the long wait for the results. Fuck all to do in casualty so my mind was going insane with ideas - they'll admit him....his liver isn't functioning....he'll end up in SCBU....all the things I was scared of before the birth came back. They'd strapped his little arm up just like Oscar's was in SCBU - to keep the canula drip thing in in case they needed to medicate him or anything.

After nearly 2 hours they came back - all clear. It's breastmilk jaundice - 5-10% of jaundiced babies who are breastfed get it - no idea why - it's just the breastmilk doesn't flush the excess bilirubin out of their bloodstream. They keep an eye on it but it's actually normal and will eventually fade in about 10 weeks. So I've got an appointment for baby clinic in a few weeks...antibiotics for his poorly toe....and we were out.

I know this is the first of many trips to casualty with 2 boisterous boys....I know friends who know all their local A&E staff by name as they return again and again with football injuries...boys falling out of trees....you name it.

I also feel for my Mum more than ever - I was seriously ill when I was 7 and she's always told me it was torture to watch them put drips in my rubbish veins - they always burst - they once took 12 goes to get one in - and Mum said if they could have put needles in her, she'd rather they had. And that's exactly how I felt today.

Ah the joys of motherhood.....we're all home and fine now......but I don't want to repeat that in a hurry....wonder if I can wrap them both in bubble wrap for the rest of their lives - like in that antihystamine ad.......lol....

Finally! An ACTING post!

I do sometimes forget that this blog is confessions of an English ACTOR/Mum/Whatever...it's been so long since I had any acting news to speak of - but no more! Today I have news that both my low budget feature films are being released in the next couple of months! Hoorah!

First off - Everything To Dance For - this was shot just after Oscar was born and I'm sure if you troll through my archives there's info on it. It's my largest role in a feature film to date playing the mother of a young girl who dreams of being a dancer. Brendan Cole is in it. It's being released on the 14th February onto DVD and will be available to buy from the website - www.everythingtodancefor.com . I'm really proud of this film - apart from the fact that it's directed, produced and written by one amazing woman (one of my best mates), it has a phenomenal performance from Sasha Jackson who plays my daughter - she's beautiful and talented and an amazing dancer. It was such fun to do and I'm so glad it's finally getting out there.

Now the second - The Witches Hammer (www.amberpictures.co.uk) - that vampire film I made when pregnant with Oscar - totally different from the above! I play Charlotte Apone, an enormously fat indestructible psychotic vampire with an axe wielding dwarf sidekick (called...Oscar). It's a horror film but with a very witty sense of humour - Blade meets Buffy is how I describe it. Stephanie Beacham is the star (I'm sure you remember how I feel about her...) and Claudia Coulter is the main character - a genetically modified vampire. It's a cracking British horror film and I have really high hopes for it. You can pre-order it on Play.com by clicking here - it will be released to the rental market on March 5th and to buy on March 26th.

So there! I've not done a scrap of work for ages and now two movies being released in two months - I feel like a movie star again!

So look out for Witches Hammer at Blockbuster in March....we're really hoping to build up an internet buzz about it. And although Everything To Dance For hasn't got a commercial release, the producer is hoping to sell it through the Royal Academy of Dance and Dance studios -and again, if demand becomes high...you never know.....

Don't worry about Moxie!

I'm on the phone to her now - she's fine...they sent her home....and she's resting. It might be pre-eclampsia but her bp has gone down now so she's relaxing at home.....she doesn't feel stressed. So just thought I'd let you know - don't worry!

How Toby came to be

(do you see what I did there?)

Right - just had a very relaxed morning....Toby fed at 12pm, 3am and 6am then we went back to sleep until 10am. I had a shower, Rob brought me tea and crumpets in bed and I fed Toby again. Now Rob is tidying the house and hoovering the lounge so Tobes and I are sat here at the computer - he's in his baby bjorn seat - so I thought I'd write his birth story.

It doesn't really feel like a birth story though - more a delivery story......

So let's start at the beginning. Went in on Sunday night which is unusual for planned c-sections but my midwife had told me I was to be on a sliding insulin drip from midnight. Got to the hospital around 8.30 having put Oscar to bed at Mum's. I was shown into a ward which had 2 other occupied beds in. Rob and I sat there for a while....they tried to take my blood pressure but the machine wouldn't give a reading....they told me I'd be on the drip from 6am not midnight (no one told me why that had changed) so I sent Rob home and tried to get my head down and get some sleep.

The bed next to me had a young girl in with her parents next to her - she was in early labour and seemed very frightened. They were African and were talking (very loudly) until midnight when the midwife kicked the parents out. I felt quite sorry for her - she was told by the doctor (btw yes I was eavesdropping but there was only a curtain between us and I was bored) that she wasn't in labour yet, might not be for hours so could go home. But she seemed to want to stay. Listening to her crying and moaning made me quite relieved that I wasn't going to go through that at all!

Bed opposite....a woman who snored like no one I have ever heard and my mother can be heard throughout the house. It was like Ken Russell in the CBB house times twenty. SOOOO loud. I put earplugs in but I didn't get much sleep at all.

6am I woke up - woman next to me was gone so hopefully she went into full labour and good luck to her. They didn't set up the insulin drip at 6. The midwife came and started doing it at 6.30 but the electric pump for the drip didn't work. She faffed with it for about ten minutes and went to try and find another one. Slightly disconcerting.....the drip was eventually started at 7.15. If I'd had been in natural labour and connected to this thing it would have been a nightmare. It was about 3 boxes on a drip stand and the tube leading from it to my wrist was only about 8 inches long. I would have been trapped by it - nightmare.

Eventually the surgeon came to talk to me about 9am (Rob had arrived by now) and went through all the scary things that could happen including -this was one I hadn't been told about- how the fact that I'd already had one c-section may mean when they opened me up that they'd find adhesions - where your organs were all stuck together with scar tissue. Nice! Then the anaesthetist came and did similar scary stories. Then a midwife came with a paper gown for me, scrubs for Rob and we were off!

I had to walk down the corridor with my gown on (had to cover it with my dressing gown as my arse was out for all to see) and then go into theatre. It was wierd. Walking into the operating room - looking at the table....having to sit up on the table - sans dressing gown so my arse was on display again. I felt (obviously) very naked and scared. People kept coming and asking me questions and chatting away. And I was sat on a table with my arse hanging out!

There were lots of people bussing around doing things....they told me they were going to make me lie on my side to put the spinal in which they did - kept asking me to curl up and raise my knees which I couldn't cos the bump was in the way. The spinal itself was painful - very painful - at one point it felt like an electric shock all down one leg.....

Then they rolled me over and the op began - a big screen covered everything - much higher than the last time so I couldn't see the surgeons at all. Rob distracted me by telling me about silly things Oscar had done the previous morning. I was almost hyperventilating - I was really scared.

All I can think is - with the emergency c-section I'd been in labour for 9 hours. I was exhausted. I didn't really register what was happening and it all happened quickly. This time I was fully concious, not distracted and much more aware. And scared!

After about 5 minutes the screen was lowered and there he was. All white and crying straight away. (Oscar was purple when they pulled him out so it was quite different) They whisked him off to the station at the side of the operating theatre to do his apgar (he got a 9) then brought him back to near my head so I could look again. Then they whisked him off again. He was having breathing problems they said - which set all my alarm bells ringing - so they were giving him oxygen. Rob went over to be with him but soon came back and said he was fine. They took him into the recovery room to wash and weigh him and Rob went too.

It seemed like ages....so I asked the anaesthetist to go get Rob. It was actually less than 2 minutes but I was worrying that there was a problem. Rob came back - all was well and I calmed down. They wanted baby to have some formula immediately as his blood sugar was quite low so I agreed and Rob went to give him a bottle. Took about another 20 minutes to stitch me and then they wheeled me into the recovery room where Rob was feeding him. (That box with wires in you can see is one small part of the insulin drip I was on)And I got to hold him about ten minutes later. (I do look so rough in the picture!)

I managed to get him latched on though and he took some sucks which made me very happy.

We stayed in recovery for about 6 hours because I was still on the insulin drip. Also my blood pressure was very low from the spinal so I had to be on some extra medicine for it. So I needed one on one monitoring. It was actually quite nice - no one else came in and it was quiet.

Then we were taken up to the ward. (Won't go into such detail here) And I was reunited with the snorey woman who was in the bed opposite again. And the bed next to me had a woman in whose baby cried ALL NIGHT and she didn't seem to do anything. And I couldn't put earplugs in or I wouldn't hear Toby. So I slept on average about 2 hours a night. I didn't get my private room. So that's why I managed to get out by Wednesday. Toby had his blood sugars checked regularly and he was fine. I was told not to worry about mine so I'm not for a couple of weeks then will have another glucose tolerance test. There were some lovely midwives on the day shift in hospital and a horrible dragon one on the night shift (I wish I'd got her name cos she was a bully and very mean to a young mum opposite me - I would have complained). But we got out quickly....

And that's the story of Toby's delivery. It doesn't feel like a birth cos I had no active part in his arrival.....

And so it begins...

Oscar was HORRIBLE yesterday. A total whiney tantrummy naughty boy. I've been expecting this incarnation but it was still unpleasant. Pushed Rob to the absolute limit.

Oz was sent home from Nursery on Friday - he's got a really nasty cold and his temperature was 39.8 - Doc saw him - gave him 15ml of paracetamol and prescribed a ventolin asthma inhaler to open up his lungs. Oz won't use it though we've tried everything - any tips gratefully received.

So he wasn't himself really this weekend - combination of being poorly, I think he might be cutting a back molar, and his brother. It was the first time he'd spent 2 consecutive full days at home without being at nursery.

But in between throwing milk all over the furniture, trying to break Toby's swing, refusing to eat, having a tantrum over juice....he was quite lovely. He played happily with his playdoh for an hour. But it was exhausting. And I feel like the worst mummy in the world but I was really glad he's at nursery today!

Baby love

Home and happy!

Toby Alexander - 8lbs 4 - born on Monday 8th January at 10.18am

I did it - managed to get out of hospital in record time - we were discharged yesterday at 5.30pm. I'm being lazy so will do a proper birth story and chat and more pics and everything soon I promise. I just can't tear myself away from Toby at the moment -he's adorable. Just wanted to let all know that we're well, happy to be home, healing nicely (just had a lovely hot bath) and totally blissed out.

Thanks for all the messages, emails and best wishes - felt very loved. Am sore but healing well and have boobs like Dolly Parton.

Hoorah for babymooning. Big love to everyone and will catch up properly soon.

PLEASE

If you are pregnant...don't watch this episode of ER - it's on Channel 4 on Monday. Don't. It's not conducive to sanity.

WHY OH WHY

whenever I am pregnant that somone on ER loses or has immense trauma having a baby. It's the ad break and Abby has just started bleeding and is going into premature labour with abruption. With Oscar Carter lost his baby......ARGH!

I love this show. But it does my head in...why can't anyone have a baby. Just HAVE a baby. Nicely. And be happy? Instead of making my paranoia kick in and spoiling my enjoyment....

Insomnia

I've been awake since 4am this morning when Oz woke up with a nightmare.....just can't get back to sleep. It's now 6.20 am so there's not much point. Combination of indigestion, wiggly baby, whizzy head and snoring husband. I got up - came downstairs and had a drink and read my book. Went back to bed. Got up again. Went back to bed again. Then I gave up. I got dressed and here I am.

Got a headache now too. I'll take Oscar to nursery this morning then come back and try and sleep again.

So....realised I hadn't updated as to the baby arrival situation. It's not this Friday. I'm going in on Sunday night and will be sectioned (lol) on Monday morning. I've got a midwife appointment this afternoon where she's going to go through what will happen etc. I've definitely told her to skip the induction bit - not even go there. So I'll post later if I'm still conscious......and let you know more.

Rob has an email notification list I made with everyone I could think of on it, but I'm sure through various blogs etc. you'll find out how it went. All going well, Baby Boy will be here in the morning and Rob will email that evening. I'm hoping to be out of hospital as soon as possible. I'm thinking Thursday at the latest (unless there are any complications).

I'm scared. I admit it. The most important thing for me is that I get my baby straight away. I gave birth to Oz at 2am on a Tuesday morning but didn't get to hold him until lunchtime on the Friday as he had a pneumothorax and ended up in SCBU. So any scenario where they don't take my baby off me will be a success and that's what I'm hoping for.

My brain feels so fuzzy. Wish I could have got back to sleep......